A Lot Of Good Could Follow Good Listening

​Yesterday, I heard a presenter say, "If you're listening to someone but hearing your own voice, you're doing it wrong."

I instinctually wondered, is there anything we do more wrong? And, is there anything that would bridge our many divides more than getting that right?

Listening.

Too often, when someone else is talking, we aren't listening. We're reloading. We're preparing. Preparing a response, or a defense, a personal story, or a way to fix.

Listening is hard because it requires us to let someone else's story take priority over our internal narrative. Really listening is quite an unselfish act if you think about it.

Have you ever noticed someone who is feeling truly listened to - truly heard? They soften. They open up. They share without trying to figure out what's the right thing to say. They just simply say.

People don't need your voice as much as they need your presence. Listening is one of the strongest ways we have to say "you're safe here" without saying a word.

But too often our way of listening makes people feel more hijacked than safe. We hijack someone's words by inserting our own. Our own assumptions, past experiences, interpretations, and projections.

Listening well is really all about stepping out of the spotlight so that someone else can step in. Listening well means surrendering the need to relate everything back to ourselves. It’s choosing curiosity over commentary.

Have we become a society that believes we already know everything that needs to be known about one another, so we in turn skip curiosity?

And have we come to believe that everyone but us needs fixed, so it's a waste of time to hear what someone else has to say because what they really need is to hear us tell them what they need to do?

A lot of people turn to places and groups they wouldn't ordinarily turn to simply because they know someone will listen to them there. From the moment we come into the world as little babies, we are craving someone to simply hear our voice. And when that craving isn't met, a lot can go wrong.

As babies.

And beyond.

I think if we'd just work harder at getting listening right, a lot of good would follow.