Alcohol, Good Social Lubricant, But Is It Social Glue?

​Last week, Dr. Mehmet Oz - Administrator of the Centers for Medicare & Medicaid Services - responded to the federal government removing long standing guidance encouraging Americans to limit alcohol use:

Dr. Oz called alcohol a "social lubricant" - and said, "There’s probably nothing healthier than having fun with friends in a safe way.”

In fairness to Oz, he did go on to say, “In the best case scenario, I don’t think that you should drink alcohol.”

I think his remarks give us some things to think about. One, I am grateful for any doctor who will suggest there is nothing healthier than human connection. If more doctors would prescribe more relationships than pills, we'd be a healthier society.

The thing is, I think almost everyone knowingly or unknowingly craves relationship, but have a difficult time entering them. We used to be a culture that was built on relationships; we are now a culture trying to compensate without them. Relationship skills are not among our country's greatest competencies.

Alcohol, enter stage left. Alcohol can indeed make it easier for us to get out of our own way and into the way of human connection.

But some further questions need asking.

Alcohol may help us enter a relationship, but is it equally good at holding it together? If two people bond over drinks, will drinking be an equally good partner in solving the problems that arise when the bond encounters inevitable difficulties?

And another great question: once the bond gets going, does alcohol bring problems into the bond that would not exist without the alcohol?

Research suggests that anywhere from a third to a half of all divorces involve alcohol misuse. Research suggests a much larger percentage of inter-partner violence involves alcohol misuse.

But here's the thing, enough Americans have seen alcohol use in their families and in their relationships to know if alcohol is more lubricant than glue. We are our own research. I know I have personally met with many young people AND adults over the years who have wished people in their lives would drink less. I've yet to meet anyone who wished someone in their lives would drink more.

I have a personal story of romantic relationships ignited by alcohol. I have a personal story of alcohol playing a large part in blowing every one of them up.

Maybe alcohol is a social lubricant. But it's my experience that we need things to bring us together that are equally good at holding us together. I've just never seen alcohol be good at being one of those things.

I am glad we are having open conversations about social lubricant. I hope it invites us into more conversations about social glue.