Chemistry Is Never Enough

​I hear this a lot lately: there MUST be chemistry.

Well, I hate to be the one to throw sand on all the promising chemistry experiments being conducted out there, but chemistry may be the most overrated element of a romantic relationship there is.

Why?

Because as mind and body altering as intense chemistry can be, it's nowhere to be found when the normal challenges of a Tuesday show up with no regard whatsoever for chemistry.

Tuesday brings flat tires and forgotten appointments.

Tuesday brings sick kids and overdraft fees.

Tuesday brings silence after stressful days when neither person has much left to give.

Tuesday brings piles of laundry and dishes that somehow returned even though you swear you just did them yesterday.

Tuesday brings one person wanting to talk while the other wants to be left alone.

Tuesday brings anxiety. Exhaustion. Bad moods that have nothing to do with the relationship but still somehow land inside of it.

Tuesday brings traffic jams, rising bills, aching backs, interrupted sleep, and text messages misunderstood because someone read them while frustrated.

Tuesday brings disappointment. One person forgot something important. One person feels unseen. One person is carrying more than they know how to explain.

Tuesday brings routines. And routines are where relationships either quietly deepen or quietly decay. Because eventually love stops asking: “Do we have chemistry?” And starts asking: “Can we carry ordinary life together without destroying one another in the process?”

Can we grocery shop together?

Can we survive stress together?

Can we repair after conflict?

Can we sit in silence without panic?

Can we make an average Tuesday feel safe instead of exhausting?

That may not sound as exciting as chemistry. But it might be far more important.

If you're looking to start a relationship, by all means bring that chemistry. But if you're looking for a relationship that flames beyond the flames, you'd better bring the capacity to do a normal Tuesday.

Sadly, as it turns out, far more of us know how to do chemistry than know how to do Tuesday. Sadly, that is, because when challenging Tuesdays turn to challenging Wednesdays, and challenging Aprils turn to challenging Mays, chemistry is usually nowhere to be found.

Chemistry is never the answer for a challenging Tuesday. But knowing how to navigate a challenging Tuesday together, well who knows, that might just be the answer for disappearing chemistry.