Do we long for friendships or popularity

​When I read those words below from a recent Seth Godin blog post, one word came to mind: friends.

I look above me as I write this and see the Facebook label: Friends. Next to it is a number. It's the number Facebook uses to help me count my friends. Or, is it possible, it's the number they use to encourage me to measure and pursue a sense of popularity.

If so, it works. I receive a friend request. I accept. The number increases. The bells and whistles of a pinball machine cut loose in the background of my mind as the Facebook "Friends" scoreboard lights up.

I've wondered about the Facebook definition of friends. What I've realized is it doesn't require much wondering. With Facebook, a friend can be a complete stranger you've never had and never will have a real life encounter with. In fact, it's entirely possible you'll never even have a digital encounter with them - they may never become more than a new digit on the scoreboard.

Yet - they get counted as a friend.

I've been blessed. Many of the digits on my scoreboard have become people who have truly blessed my life. I'm thankful. But I do wonder somedays if Facebook and social media in general has expanded the reach of friendship, or if they've actually decayed the definition of it.

I wonder, when one is hit by the inevitable weight of struggles, does their Facebook friends scoreboard bring them comfort - or pain? Does one look up and see that number and feel surrounded by support, or do they feel like they are on the wrong end of a mass exodus?

I looked up the definition of friend - in the Urban Dictionary of all places. The definition is beautiful:

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A friend is someone you love and who loves you, someone you respect and who respects you, someone whom you trust and who trusts you. A friend is honest and makes you want to be honest, too. A friend is loyal.

A friend is someone who is happy to spend time with you doing absolutely nothing at all; someone who doesn't mind driving you on stupid errands, who will get up at midnight just because you want to go on an adventure, and who doesn’t have to talk to communicate with you.

A friend is someone who not only doesn't care if you're ugly or boring, but doesn't even think about it; someone who forgives you no matter what you do, and someone who tries to help you even when they don't know how. A friend is someone who tells you if you're being stupid, but who doesn't make you feel stupid.

A friend is someone who would sacrifice their life and happiness for you. A friend is someone who will come with you when you have to do boring things like watch bad recitals, go to stuffy parties, or wait in boring lobbies. You don't even think about who's talking or who's listening in a conversation with a friend.

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When I read that definition, I wondered, if someone looked up at their friend count, and it said ONE, but that one was THAT Urban Dictionary kind of friend, would they trade that friend for 5,000 Facebook friends? Would they trade that friend for popularity?

And I also wondered, when we see the popularity of our Facebook friends, do we assume they have that ONE Urban Dictionary kind of friend in their life?

Do we assume they feel surrounded and not like they are on the wrong end of a mass exodus?

I worry some days that we've let social media dilute the meaning of friendship. We've come to see friendship as a number and not the chance to wait in boring lobbies with someone.

I worry that the road to popularity is blindly paved with unimaginable loneliness.