Do you see who you are or who you are not?

​I was on a zoom training call yesterday. Before the training started, I was chatting with one of the other trainers. She asked if anyone was doing anything exciting this weekend.

I said, I'm running a 31 mile trail race.

She smiled and said, "oh, you're an ultra runner."

Something about that caught me off guard. It made me feel uncomfortable. Like, I started explaining that I'm really not an ultra runner, but rather someone who sometimes likes to run long distances.

It wasn't the first time that happened yesterday.

Earlier in the morning, a friend shared something I wrote. When she did, she said I was her friend and that I was a writer. My first instinct wasn't to thank her, but to explain to her I'm not really a writer, but someone who likes posting articles on Facebook in the morning.

Thankfully, I didn't go with my first instinct.

But that IS my instinct. Maybe I'm not alone in that.

The challenging part is, I'm not nearly as defensive when my mind starts telling me what I am not.

If my mind tells me I'm not a good dad.
If my mind tells me I'm not a good friend or that I'm not good at relationships.
If my mind tells me I don't contribute enough to my job or work hard enough at serving others.
I my mind says you are failing or losing or time has passed you by.
If my minds tells me who or what I am not, my instinct is to nod my head in agreement and say you are right.

I'm not entirely sure where that comes from. Because when I gather all of those voices up - the ones telling me what I am not - and I swifly kick them out the door, and then I sit quietly with myself, I know the voices all have one thing in common.

They are all liars.

I'm not perfect at any of the things they are telling me I'm not - but inside I know who I am - and it's not who the voices are telling me I am not. That I know.

I think sometimes it gets easier believing what we are not - there is less to live up to.

I think sometimes we've spent too many years believing what we are not - it's tough to simply one day course correct and hop on over to that magical road of seeing and believing what we are.

And there's this - when we keep looking at life through the lens of what we are not, it's easier to blame someone else for that. Because when we truly start seeing what we are - and what we can be - it's on us to keep traveling that road.

It's on us to get out there and run and to write. And ultimately, challenging ourselves to live up to who we are is a healthier place to be than living in a space of constantly blaming others for who we are not.

So if someone tells you who you are today - and it represents the best of you - own it. Don't defend against it to protect the voices in your head telling you who you are not.

Those voices are not your friends. Maybe they've been around a long time, maybe you've listened to their voices longer than any other voices in this world. But they are not your friends.

You owe them nothing.