emotions are gateways to self-discovery

​I interviewed my friend Jenny Baker this week. We talked almost exclusively about relationships. She said some powerful things in this discussion, but one of the more powerful was this: she said, "our emotions are not bad, they are helpful in terms of gateways to self discover. And self-discovery happens really powerfully through relationships."

I don't know. Most days emotions do seem like bad things. I suppose because they often feel like walls and not gateways. They feel like hurdles in the exact middle of a relationship - demanding distance - and not invitations.

I was hiking in a dense wilderness with a friend some time ago. I was a little bit ahead. There was a lot of silence. Until I could hear her crying - sobbing, really. It came out of the blue.

I wanted to run ahead. Away. That's truly what I wanted to do. There was something scary about her emotions. Crying comes with an unease that doesn't accompany laughter. Or even frustration.

But I didn't run ahead. I made myself stop. And turn around. And go to her. And hug her and ask, are you ok?

Clearly she was not ok, but sometimes that's what emotions are. They are words that for many reasons can't be spoken. They are a way of asking for the questions we don't know we need to be asked.

Are you Ok?

Would you like to talk?

Is there anything I can do?

She wasn't OK. And she told me why. Then she stopped crying and out of nowhere I started telling her about my own sadnesses. Not because I owed her that in return, but because I wanted to. Because emotions had created this gateway into a place where I could explore my own life in partnership with her emotions.

Gregory Boyle says, "we all taste eternity when person merges with person. We need to find ourselves poised to enter into relationship with anyone anywhere."

I do believe that about eternity. That in some supernatural way we will all be one. We will be merged. We will all be merged, but with our own stories. I do imagine - with a smile - that the difference will be that we will suddenly embrace each other's stories with acceptance and compassion and love.

Our emotions will have walked us through the ultimate gateway of discovering who we are. Through the gateway of discovering that who I am - is a lot like you.

Emotions often try to hide that truth from us. But if we allow them to, they will absolutely lead us to living in that truth.