Excuses Are Life's biggest obstacle to growth

​I reflect. Constantly.

I believe there are reasons for every moment, for every interaction, for every choice, and to the degree it's possible, I want to explore all of those reasons. Not because I believe I can ultimately know every reason, but because reflecting is my reminder that every story has a back story.

My reflections have intensified the last several years as I've connected the story of my past to some of my choices in the present. Too often we think the greatest learning opportunities come with the consequences of one's choices. I've come to believe there's greater opportunity to learn in discovering our present choices are often the consequences of our past.

We often continue to choose what we have always chosen, no matter what the consequences. Fear of the future is rarely the change agent that understanding the past can be.

I had an interaction with a friend last week. One I didn't feel good about. Or proud of.

In the midst of moments like that, you can find yourself blaming. You can find yourself searching for reasons to explain how this has nothing to do with me and everything to do with them. And if you leave an experience like that right there, you will walk away with excuses and not growth.

Smack dab in the middle of emotional overload is not a great place to reflect, but it is the perfect environment to create excuses.

In the aftermath of that experience, however, I have spent a lot of time reflecting. Not on how we got there. Or how my friend got there. But on how I got there.

Because the reality is I didn't act the way I wanted to act. I didn't act in a way I felt good about. And the next time I'm in a situation like that, I want to be different.

Making excuses for why that wasn't the case this time does nothing to increase the likelihood of that. Understanding how I got there does.

Most of my life I've had a hard time feeling like I was enough. And for most of my life I've dealt with that two ways:

I have numbed that feeling.

Or -

I've attacked the people who left me feeling that way.

I have come a long way with that. Most days I know I'm more than enough. Most days I don't hear the words people say as words questioning my worth.

But I am not perfect. There are still days, like last week, when I hear someone say something that sounds like they are questioning my worth even when their words are not questioning my worth at all.

The thing is, if I walk away from those moments believing that IS what they were doing, I miss a chance to grow. And I carry an excuse into my next interaction. An interaction that will likely resemble the last one.

So I reflect.

Not to excuse myself, but to grow myself.

Life is a learning opportunity, and maybe nothing robs us of that opportunity more than excuses.

So reflect.

And grow.