Finding Peace and Happiness, Even In The Scars

​Post divorce, movies were a source of healing and bonding for me and the boys.

In the beginning, there was no small amount of guilt that came with those movie visits. While I was married, it was their mom who always took them to movies. I would stay behind. Just one example of how kids are impacted when the two people they live with are quietly invested in avoiding one another.

But eventually, I saw how much joy the movies brought the boys. It became clear to me that the movies didn't trigger the same kind of emotions in them that were often triggered in me. So, I traded triggers for peace.

And now, today, with or without them movies bring me peace. Thankfully, yesterday was a 'with them' day. Or at least with one of them.

Elliott is home from college, and so we decided to take in a movie. It was the first movie either of us had seen since Elliott went off to college two months ago. In many ways, the theatre felt like we were both coming home.

One thing about the movies - Elliott is my popcorn guy. Ian doesn't touch the stuff. But Elliott - well, I know he'd still go to the movies if they didn't have popcorn, but I also know he wouldn't enjoy them nearly as much without it. Kind of like I'd still eat ice cream without the chocolate syrup and peanuts, but PLEASE don't take away the syrup and peanuts.

It was early in the movie. I reached over and stuck my hand in Elliott's giant bucket of popcorn and retrieved a handful. I'm not a big popcorn guy myself, but there has always been something kind of comforting about sharing a handful or two of Elliott's.

I think maybe it's the way he doesn't fight me off. Or more, the way he'll move his hands aside to gladly let me share in it. It's not a "he paid for it so I guess I'm obligated to share" kind of sharing, but more like a willingness. A desire. And I like that.

It is funny in life how the places we once had a hard time showing up to can still become places of peace. Joy. It is interesting how wounds can become scars and then scars can somehow become a source of peace in the revealing of them.

In the letting go of them.

In the healing.

It's worth noting that the movie we saw yesterday was "One Battle After Another". That is life, isn't it? One battle after another. I know it's mine.

But I was reminded in that theatre yesterday that life is always better when we don't allow ourselves to stay stuck in the same battle. There's a battle ahead that deserves our attention. And hey, if they are serving popcorn at that battle, count me in!!