Forgiveness Is Healthy, But So Is Forgiving

​There seemed to be a theme in my Fathers Day life yesterday:

Forgiveness.

A dear friend and I used Fathers Day to discuss challenging relationships with our fathers. I think we agreed that neither of us really knows what to do with those challenges. I think I also acknowledged that she does more beautiful things with her challenges than I do with mine.

Then in a separate conversation, I shared with a friend that I grew up in a small community with a heavy Amish population. She asked if there was anything I took away from that childhood experience. I told her, unequivocally, even if many years later, it's the power of forgiveness.

I recounted for her the story of the West Nickel Mines School shooting in Lancaster, Pennsylvania back in 2006. A gunman killed 5 girls between the ages of 6 and 13 in the one room schoolhouse.

That very evening, the Amish community rallied around the family of the killer. Many of them doing the rallying were family members of the little girls who were killed. A member of the community explained: "I don't think there's anybody here that wants to do anything but forgive and not only reach out to those who have suffered a loss in that way but to reach out to the family of the man who committed these acts".

(Amish Grace: How Forgiveness Transcended Tragedy is a powerful book about this event).

I grew up in my community understanding this was just the nature of the Amish. A nature, I confess, that isn't always easy to make my own nature.

As a Christian, I am always quick to embrace the "I am forgiven" narrative of my faith. I am quick to embrace the reality that KNOWING I am forgiven is good for my well-being. But what is often less talked about in the Christian community is the power in forgiving.

Charles Spurgeon says, "we come to the cross to be forgiven, but we stay at the cross to be forgiving."

We are often quick to proclaim that Jesus died on the cross so that we may live a life feeling forgiven. But before Jesus took his last breath, he publicly forgave his killers. With some of his final painful breaths he said, "Father forgive them, for they know not what they do."

Did Jesus forgive so we'd follow the laws of forgiveness, or did Jesus so publicly forgive in hopes we'd discover the beauty in forgiving?

Did you know research supports that:

Forgiveness lowers stress hormones.

Forgiveness improves mood and resilience.

Forgiveness reduces cardiovascular risks.

Forgiveness fosters peace and connection in relationships.

Jesus left the earth offering us the gift of forgiveness. That's the gift we Christians often talk about, the one we most often proclaim as the primary reason for turning to Christianity.

But what if receiving forgiveness is only the halfway mark to finding the true beauty in Christianity?

Or just life in general.

What if the Amish forgave not because they were told to forgive, but because they had discovered it was the most peaceful and loving way to live life?

It is one thing to proclaim, I am forgiven. That quite honestly takes very little effort - especially for a follower of Jesus.

But what about forgiving, can we just as easily proclaim I am forgiving?

Honestly, I cannot. And it turns out that not only is living in unforgiveness really un-Christian, it's also quite un-healthy.

We go to the cross to be forgiven.

We stay there to become more forgiving.