Getting stronger always happens on the otherside of something hard

​There's a reason why a lot of people aren't strong. That's because a strong today requires a lot of hard yesterdays. And not everyone is willing to sign up for hard.

But sometimes - we don't have a choice.

I had breakfast with friends yesterday. Friends who are some of the strongest people I know. Friends who give me the gift of getting up from a breakfast table believing more than ever - I can be strong too.

But these are friends who wouldn't have chosen the sources of their strength.

Losing a mom to suicide.

Losing a daughter to an impaired driver.

But still, there is no denying, when I look at them with admiration for who they are, these grim events they've faced in life have made them incredibly fit to face whatever life throws at them today. And - in a sad and selfish sort of way - incredibly helpful to a guy like me tackling his own hard stuff in life.

I thought about that in two different ways after our breakfast.

One, I am going through a hard time. And I have two ways of looking at it. I can mourn the hard time I'm going through, or celebrate how much stronger I'm going to be when the next hard thing comes along. I can moan at how weak I feel somedays facing my hard times, or pump my fist at the idea of how much stronger I'll be tomorrow.

There is also this. When you sit back and see how much stronger people become when they go through hard things they DIDN'T ask for, you start imagining how much stronger you can become when you start taking on hard things you DO ask for.

You start making an undeniable connection that to be a strong runner tomorrow, I HAVE to take on hard runs today.

To become a strong writer tomorrow, I have to spend hard hours writing this morning.

To have strong relationships I long for tomorrow, I have to risk having hard conversations today.

To have my dream job tomorrow, I have to be willing to take on the hard and not so dreamy job today.

Life offers us overwhelming evidence of a simple truth: being strong is never disconnected from going through hard, whether the hard gets planned or just gets tossed at us out of the blue today.

Going through hard and becoming strong are married. And that is a marriage that will last forever - those two completely get and need each other.

So today, if you're looking to become strong at something, but what you're doing today comes easy to you, you'd better do something different.

Taking on easy stuff today might make today feel cozy and comfortable. But it has a cost - a big one.

Everything you take on tomorrow will feel much harder than it had to. So hard in fact, you might give up trying to do it at all.