God, don't change my circumstances, change the way I see me

​Several times in the last few weeks I've had friends ask me, "what specifically can I be praying for in your life?"

Each time I tell them, simply pray that I will feel God's presence. I don't ask them to pray God's presence into my life - because God needs no invitation - but simply that I will feel it.

I say that because for years I myself have made the mistake of praying for specific things in my life. Which for the most part amounted to me asking God to stack the circumstances in my life in a nice and neat and orderly and great feeling sort of way.

The problem with that comes when the circumstances in life don't stack up that way. And because I'm me, and I've had a pretty clear picture of how I want things to stack up, that can be a pretty rejecting feeling.

It can lead me to falsely believe God isn't there. It can lead me to believe he's not there because he doesn't care.

Then one day I realized there is no life - in this world - that is ever going to be stacked neatly enough for me to constantly live in a "great feeling sort of way." And usually, that's not because of the circumstances in my life - it's because of me.

My circumstances in life can lead me to stack myself up in a way that leaves me critical of me. They can leave me feeling like I'm undeserving of circumstances getting stacked in a great feeling sort of way. They can leave me believing I'm in need of far more punishment in life than grace.

As I've gotten better at prayer, I've quit asking God to change my circumstances and started asking him to change the way I see me. Because the reality is, way more often than God stacks my circumstances in an unorderly way, the way I see me does that.

Sometimes when life gets unorderly, we don't need to make a specific request to God to restore order. We simply need to be still and be quiet and hear him whisper to us: you are a beautiful and loved creature made in my image, you may not see yourself that way but I do.

I did yesterday. I do today. I assure you I will tomorrow.

As long as you feel my presence, you can be assured of that.