God is not a Fleeting feeling, he is ever present

I opened my Henri Nouwen devotional this morning. I barely made it beyond that title: God is not a feeling. Like, sometimes words just stop me in my tracks, and they reach out from the page and grab me and they say, oh, you're going to sit here and think about this one.

And I did.

As a Christian, the hardest part about explaining the most meaningful relationship in my life - my relationship with God - is I'm acknowledging the most meaningful relationship in my life is with the invisible. Believe me, some days that sounds as bizarre to me as it sounds to others.

Under the pressure of that bizarre, I often cling to feelings or concepts or specific ideas to explain God. The trouble is, God is beyond and greater than all of those things. God just used Easter to say to me, this worldly idea many of you fear most, this concept you see as unstoppable and all-powerful - death - it's nothing but a 3-day blip on my view of the world.

The problem, as Nouwen would suggest, it's true, feelings and concepts and ideas can be reminders of God's presence, but their absence doesn't even remotely prove God's absence.

That's where I can struggle.

I too often come to define God by feelings or situations in my life. And yes, when those feelings or situations change, I can forget about God - or worse - I can assume he's off tending to someone else's life. Maybe someone he cares about more than me.

A few weeks ago, a job I'd been dreaming about was approved by our state legislature. It would have allowed me to focus solely on the work I've been doing and been totally fulfilled by for the past several years. When it was approved - I KNEW that was God. Frequently, doing this work the last few years, I've had folks tell me they felt God in the presentations or training - even though God was never mentioned. So I had no doubt - this job was God.

Then last week, our governor announced all new initiatives were dead. A casualty of the sudden state budget crisis. My dream job was dead.

When I heard that news, I didn't say thank you God. I didn't say anything to God at all. As present as he was in me getting the job, he was forgotten in the news the job was gone.

Suddenly, that job was not God. I went to processing that disappointment alone. For me, too often celebration is a me and God thing. Disappointment, well that's strictly a human thing.

That's what happens when we make God a job.
When we make him a feeling.
When we compare him to one of our human relationships.

Jobs and feelings and relationships - they come and they go.

God does not. The fact that God is not fleeting makes him incredibly difficult for us to understand - and love.

It's funny. A decade or so ago, soon after we moved to Hanover County, I applied for a dream job here. I had every reason to believe the job was going to be mine. It was going to be a life-changer. Then, some strange things happened, and I didn't get the job.

I look back and know now, if I'd gotten that job, I wouldn't be doing the work I'm doing now. Work I love doing. Work that more days than ever, reminds me of God's presence in my life, and allows me to remind others of the same.

In the end, that's what being Christian is to me. I'm a constant reminder: God is here. I confess, that's a challenge for me. Many days I spend more time reassuring me of that than I spend reassuring others.

That's because of feelings. The feelings that too often define the difference between a good day and a bad day in my life, those same feelings trick me into distinguishing between good God and bad God.

So thank you for the reminder, Henri Nouwen: God is not a feeling.