HOw can I help?

​How can I help?

I don't know that we ask that question enough. And at the same time, I'm not so sure how often we truly want to be asked that question.

I think we avoid asking the question because it makes us vulnerable. Asking how we can help someone makes us face the reality we may not know the answer to that question. We pride ourselves on having the answers - the right advice - without having to take the inconvenient step of asking any questions.

It also makes us vulnerable to hearing things that might catch us off guard. The things people need help with aren't always the kind of struggles we assume they are having. Struggles that might be as hard for us to hear as it is for others to bear.

On the other side, being asked 'how can I help' forces us to face some things: do I really want help, do I believe help is even possible, are you going to be one of those who is curious about my struggle but bail on me when we actually get to the helping part?

In my work, for years I was part of teams that went into communities largely assuming the kind of help those communities needed. And many times, the strategies we put in place didn't work the way we predicted they would.

Ways we assumed they would.

Over the years, we've gotten better at one thing that has made a world of difference. We've invited people to the table and asked them, how can we help?

There's a tension in that. There's 'we have no idea what kind of answers we might get' on one side of the table. And, 'how much do you really care what my answers are' on the other side of the table.

But beneath that tension - if both sides can hang in there through it - there is opportunity. Assumptions disintegrate, hope starts to come alive.

I've become a believer in that question: how can I help? Not because it always helps, but because it's an invitation to a process that looks and feels a lot healthier than many of the things we do in the name of help.

It's a question that can make for stronger communities. And - for stronger connections between you and I.

Maybe you'll see someone this week who looks like they need some help. Maybe ask them:

How can I help?