Human Relevance shows up in human suffering

​Pastor Lisa Harper suggests the church is losing its relevancy because it's pretending to be less sad and broken than the rest of the world. I would agree with that. But I would suggest that growing irrelevancy extends well beyond the church.

I say that because I've had many opportunities the last several years to enter into the sadness and wounds and brokenness of people's lives across Virginia and beyond. And in there, I have discovered just how many people are longing for someone to meet them there.

In the wounds.

At the same time, I've discovered just how much I have needed someone to meet me there as well.

As Jesus followers, Harper's idea shouldn't seem out of line. Jesus built his earthly relevancy seeking out the hurting and the broken. He made a ministry not of showing up at birthday parties with gifts, but instead he showed up at wells on hot afternoons to meet people no one else was ever going to meet there.

As Jesus followers, we get this. Even if we aren't always great at it.

But do we get it as fathers and mothers? Do we get that our kids don't need us to pretend to have it all together, but need to hear us say from time to time that I'm broken.

I'm sad.

Do they need to see our tears?

Do they need to see them and feel them so they don't feel so alone and out of place in their own sadness and brokenness?

How about our spouses and partners? Are we fighting so hard to look like the perfect partnership that we know longer know how deeply the partner is struggling to hold up their end of the pretending?

How about friends?

And supervisors and co-workers.

I do work in the world of prevention. A lot of that focus is on preventing substance use and misuse. One of the things that has made me more effective at that work has been coming to honor that those substances often have significant relevance in people's lives.

The substances often ease suffering that the people around them are pretending doesn't exists. Pretending it doesn't exist in the user and in themselves.

We live in a world that is increasingly seeking relevance by trying to discover ways to make the world more convenient, easier, less painful. At the same time, a lot of research suggests people are living in more pain than ever.

So what gives?

What gives is we come into the world as tiny babies. And, the most relevant thing to our survival as babies, most relevant to our joy and smiles and contentment, is having people show up in our most challenging struggles.

As babies, we would die without people showing up being that kind of relevant.

Jesus seemed to model for us that this wasn't just a baby thing. Jesus didn't seek vulnerable babies, he sought vulnerable humans. He sought them and offered them new life because he knew so many were dying inside.

We can't innovate our way out of what Jesus modeled for us.

I took a long walk with a friend Sunday morning. Almost the entirety of it was spent talking about our shared struggles. Our hurts. Was the walk depressing? No. When it was done I felt like I had new life.

I am grateful for the relevant people in my life who show up and remind me of the kind of relevance the people I encounter need. I am grateful for the relevant people in my life who show up and take a walk that starts with no pretending.

I fear we don't realize just how many people around us are quietly asking, begging really, can I just stop pretending?

Just for a moment.

The quickest way for us to say yes, you don't need to pretend, is to stop pretending ourselves.

We are losing our relevance in each other's lives. We're losing the power to bring each other peace and joy. We're losing it by pretending there is peace and joy where sometimes none exists.

We need a world no longer ok with pretending.

We need a world that once again acknowledges we are not ok without one another. We need to make our connection to one another as relevant once again as a mama has always been to her newborn.

A relevance built on acknowledging everything is not always ok. A relevance built on honoring that not being ok is not something to hide from, it's something to embrace.

Much like a mama embraces her new baby.

There is no greater relevancy.