Humility

​Yesterday, I watched the news reflect on the events at the capitol one year ago. This morning, I reflected on the words I wrote the morning after those events. They were some of my most read words last year. Maybe others will benefit from reading them again as well.

*****

I was driving back from eating dinner with my buddy Solomon last night. It was our first dinner of the new year. It should have been a celebration. And although I treasured our time together as much as ever, the drive home was different. I didn't feel joy.

I was driving south on I-95. Over in the northbound lanes, I saw endless streams of blue flashing lights. In straight line after straight line, Virginia State Police cars - no less than 100 of them - were racing north.

I'd listened to the news on the way to dinner. I knew where they were headed.

In moments like that, when life feels like nothing more than darkness and flashing lights, it's hard to wrestle complicated emotions into mere words. There was helpless, confused, hopeless, fatherhood, lost....

There were a lot of words. Frankly, the right one didn't come to me until the flashing lights were long gone.

You know, I'm an American. As I listened to the news yesterday, and read what my American friends wrote on social media, it became clear to me there's a lot of confusion these days about what exactly it means to be an American.

I'm also a Christian. As I listened to Christian commentators yesterday, and read what my Christian friends were writing on social media, it became clear to me there's a lot of confusion these days about what exactly it means to be a Christian.

Early Jesus followers were confused too. The savior they'd waited centuries for was supposed to come free them from the government - from Roman rule. They were waiting on a savior who would take a stand for the Jewish faith - he'd fight for his country.

So when Jesus told them he wasn't here to install his government, or to fight anyone for his country or his faith - that he was simply going to die - the number of true believers started dwindling.

I was reminded last night, the flashing lights in my rearview mirror, Jesus DID come to fight. But he didn't come to fight for or against anything outside of me - he came to fight the rulers that often overtake the insides of me.

He came to fight the feelings of hatred and revenge and contempt and hopelessness and helplessness and confusion - all the emotions that rule over my daily actions far more frequently than my government or my faith does.

Jesus didn't come to defeat a system or its rulers, he came to adopt me. He came not to rule over me, but to be the rule within me.

In his final hours, when Jesus looked down at the government rulers, and on the many people feeling defeated as the government went about killing the man they were sure was going to kill the government, and as Jesus took his last breaths and announced it was finished, he was making sure we all knew his rule was based on one word - one word lacking any confusion: humility.

I had a friend last night shoot me a message as I was driving home. She said, I can't wrap my head around all of this.

I thought about Jesus on that cross. And I told her I don't think it's our heads that are supposed to wrap around any of this - it's our hearts.

Because as I drove on, the images of those blue flashing lights lingering in the night like a leftover nightmare, I was less clear than ever what it meant to be an American - I couldn't wrap my head around that - and I was less clear than ever what it meant to be a Christian - I couldn't wrap my head around that either - but I was more clear than ever what it meant to be Jesus.

Father forgive them, for they don't know what they're doing - some of Jesus' final words as he died on the cross.

I think he was saying - father, they have something ruling inside them that is not humility.

And then he died, apparently - without so much as a fight.

He just died.

Last night, when I needed it most, Jesus reminded me that, oh - there was a fight - one that continues inside me to this day. The fight to make sure my life is ruled by humility - humility, and nothing less.

It's not easy, but that's something I can wrap my heart around.