I am a grain of wheat

​Sometimes I wonder what Jesus' disciples thought of him when he would out of the blue drop random bits of wisdom on them. Like, did they just stand there and stare at each other with collective 'where did that come from' looks?

In the book of John, when you read the Palm Sunday account, you read about a conversation Jesus had with Phillip and Andrew. They had come to Jesus to let him know there were some Greeks at the feast who would like to meet with him. When they told Jesus this, Jesus responded:

"Truly, truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies it remains alone, but if it dies, it bears much fruit. Whoever loves his life loses it, and whoever hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life."

Uhm, Jesus - dude - we just came to tell you about these Greeks..... A simple yes or no will work here.

When I read words like this, and feel the randomness in them, I know they aren't so random. I'm sure Jesus picked those words and that moment to speak something into the hearts and minds of two men he loved - Phillip and Andrew - and in a way that would give them pause.

And maybe - maybe Jesus chose to deliver them that way so they would one day - in this moment - give me pause too.

Because it's true. I am a grain of wheat. Only I don't have to wait to die and fall into the ground and bear fruit. I get to make that choice.

I get to make that choice every day.

Certainly in this moment Jesus was speaking in part to his own impending death. I'm sure he was trying to help his disciples understand what was about to happen. Maybe not in that moment, but later on when they reflected on this conversation.

Because we all reflect back on conversations that mean more to us after we experience different things in life.

I think as much as giving understanding to his disciples, though, Jesus was issuing a challenge to his followers.

I am one of them.

When I read this challenge it would be easy to hear Jesus telling me I can't be afraid to die. But really, the real message here is for me to fear not living. Not living life fully in love for one another.

Because when Jesus talks about bearing much fruit, he's always talking about the fruit that comes when we love one another the way he loves us. The way he commands us to.

His warning here is that I can get so focused on loving myself, that I begin living my life in isolation. I begin living life in love with myself at the expense - and at a blindness to - the world around me that needs me to live my life loving them.

I hear Jesus saying here that it's only when I begin to hate the idea of being in love with myself that I'll be fully equipped to be in love with the idea of loving EVERY ONE else.

"Whoever loves his life loses it, but whoever hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life."

I suppose one could interpret that as a threat. I don't. I interpret it as life-giving not life-threatening.

I interpret it as preparation.

Because I do believe in eternal life. I just don't believe that life is somewhere down the road; it is now. I hear Jesus saying to be fully alive in this eternal life, to fully embrace it and experience it the way I was designed to experience it, I have to look away from my life and much more deeply into the lives of others.

I have to be a grain of wheat that doesn't wait to fall into the ground. I must dive there. Willingly and lovingly and with great faith that in that dive, that is where I will find life.

A life that will bear much fruit.