I am the thinker. i am not my thoughts

​I am admittedly a thinker. Many days I think deeper than I need to. Some days, it's probably not good for me to spend the amount of time thinking that I do. But I'm not sure I'll ever be able to change that.

It's who I am.

What I do want to change, though - what I'm working hard at - is separating the thinker from his thoughts. Because when you think as much as I do, a lot of negative thoughts can creep in.

Thoughts that tell me I am who I've always been; thoughts that tell me I'll never be who I long to become.

As much as I like writing and sharing here on Facebook, this platform - like a lot of social media - can be a dangerous place for thinkers, for people who are at risk of believing they are their thoughts and not the thinker of their thoughts.

It's easy to pop in here first thing in the morning, full of life, ready to tackle the world. Then you read how powerfully someone else has already tackled the world. They've run a marathon or cooked the best meal ever or read a hundred books this year. And you think - what's the point - I can never do that.

Suddenly you're going down the road of being your thoughts, and not the thinker who was on fire to tackle his world.

You pop in here, healing from a lost relationship. You're starting to believe again that you're good enough. Then you see a picture or you read someone's happily ever after post or you see friends being best friends forever. And suddenly - you're thoughts are reminding you that - no - no, you are actually not good enough.

Suddenly you are your thoughts and not the thinker who'd come to believe she was good enough.

It's not just the social media world. It happens just as often when we step out the front door into the "real" world. We step into that world with the most positive of intentions. But then our thoughts - oh, those evil thoughts - they start reminding us of all the reasons we do not fit into the world we absolutely know we do belong to.

They remind us of our mistakes from the past; or our fears of the future.
They remind us that the world has been ugly to us; or that we've been ugly to the world.
Our thoughts tell us I'm not pretty enough or fast enough or smart enough.

When we let our thoughts have full control, when the thinker turns his life over to his toughts, it's rare those thoughts try to convince us that we are good or that we are capable or that we are enough. It's crazy it's that way - and maybe one of the most backward life things ever - is it a design flaw - but that's just how our thoughts work.

So this deep and frequent thinker, what do I do?

I set aside many times throughout the day where I do not think. Because believe it or not, it's in the thoughtlessness that I find the real me, not in my thoughts.

I'll go for a walk or a run, and for at least a few minutes, I'll force myself to think about nothing other than the sound of my steps. I'll force myself to think about nothing other than how beautiful the sunrise is or the trees with their new blossoms. I'll force myself to gratefully experience nothing other than who I am - right there, right then - completely uninterupted by the thoughts desperately trying to barge in to steal my experience.

Or I'll sit down. I'll put the headphones on. I'll close my eyes and play a song that sings words to me that remind me of who I am. I'll allow my thoughts to go for a ride with that song, like I'm sitting in the back seat of a car riding along with it - captivated - completely unaware of the thoughts that are lurking, wanting nothing more than to change the channel on the radio.

Believe me, it's not easy. It's not easy for a deep thinker - for a frequent thinker - to get to places of NOT thinking. Sometimes I can get there for a minute. Or two. There are mornings I make it through the whole song, the whole ride.

But more and more, it's in those quiet moments of thoughtlessness - even if for only a minute - that I get better at recognizing the thoughts that don't fit the thinker. I get better at scrolling through here and recognizing the thoughts that want to scoop me up and carry me away.

I get better at saying not today thoughts.

Today I am the thinker; I am not my thoughts.