I must get to know him better

​When you find yourself thinking that you don't like someone, is your response "I must get to know him (or her) better?"

For far too long, that wasn't my response. I liked people who were easy to like. The people who were just like me.

I suppose that started to change when I worked as a counselor with kids who were nothing like me. These kids started telling me their stories. And suddenly, all the things I didn't like about them - because there were a lot of things I didn't like about these kids - paled in comparison to the things that broke my heart for them.

I think that's when I began to realize we all have some heartbreaking stories living in us. The me you see - and the you I see - many days we are walking around telling those stories to one another without ever telling them.

And some days - the way we tell them - well, it makes us hard to like.

These days when it comes to my interactions with people - my relationships with them - I'm far more interested in getting to know where they've been than I am in knowing who they are. Because it's impossible to know who someone is without knowing where they've been.

It's easy to like people based on who they are. But sadly, it's even easier to dismiss and reject people who struggle to be likable because of where they've been.

When Jesus walked the earth, his disciples constantly warned him against hanging out with different groups of people. And Jesus' response was always 'I want them to know I know where they've been.'

I thought about that yesterday, and the command Jesus gave us to love our enemies. I guess maybe for too long I've seen that as a command to just bury my hate and accept people I don't like for who they are.

Today I'm wondering if that command isn't more about getting to know the things people hate about themselves - things they've buried deep inside - things that surface on the outside in ways that make it easy for them to be unlikable to us. Things that make them our enemies.

I'll be honest. There are some people, that after taking the time to learn where they've been, I still have a hard time liking them, let alone loving them. But more often than not, I do end up liking them.

Sometimes, I end up liking them more than I like the people who are like me.

I suppose that's the power of compassion. Of empathy. It allows us to like what people have overcome more than we dislike who they've become. Maybe that kind of like is our reward for taking time to understand instead of taking the easy road of dismissing and disliking.

I'll also say this. The things I've learned from people I initially disliked, they've made me smarter and wiser and better.

We will never become our better selves by clinging to people who are like ourselves. That only happens when we find ourselves saying - "I must get to know him better."