Well, 2023, it's you and me. One more day together. I'm not sure what to do with that. You and I had such a mixed relationship. Should I hold onto your leg and beg you to stay, or stand waving at the door as you drive away, pretending I'm going to miss you?
There were times this year when it felt like we were meant to be together forever. Can a year be a soulmate? Most of those times were professional moments, when I was doing work I somehow felt I'd prepared my whole life for. Like the story of my life and my work became one. There's goosebumps and miracle in that. You did feel miraculous at times. I wrote a few articles this year that I know would have been impossible without you. You brought wisdom and intellect and emotions to the table I never saw coming. I never knew I had. You were a wise one, 2023. I have seen my boys smile and laugh this weekend in ways that have brought me a peace that maybe no fathering year has ever ended with. Their peace has such influence on my peace. For you to throw that out here this final weekend - you're begging me to keep you aren't you? You took me to Honduras. I guess you were a little jealous of 2019 for bringing me that opportunity first. But you knew how much I longed to go back and you gifted me that. It's a very special thing to reunite one with something they've missed. Thank you for that. You were thoughtful, 2023. We spent so much time together in the mountains and on the shore. There's something beautiful about spending time looking out from high upon the world, and something deeply reflective about standing where the larger than life world meets larger than life water. I need them both. All year you made me feel seen in your knowing that. But you were by no means a saint, my friend. You reminded me I'm not getting any younger. Yea, I hear you. You continue to blame me for not eating and sleeping and exercising better. But I put a lot of the blame on you. You years do something to us!! I do promise, though, to revisit that whole eating and sleeping and exercising thing with 2024..... You reminded me that some struggles never end, and in fact some years they are harder than others. It seems like you years have that in common, you show up wanting us to hide you from all the pain of the years that came before you. There were many times, 2023, when even though we were hanging out together, life felt quite alone. I don't blame you for that; many of the years that came before you set you up to feel very distant at times. But you did feel very distant at times. There was a time or two that you let me glimpse at dream come true, only to quickly say not now. Were you being cruel or kind? Is it possible you were looking out for a friend of yours, some year to come, setting them up to experience the beauty of your work? I wouldn't put it past you. You seemed to be a year that was pointing me to the future. Of better days to come. You may have done that better than any year has ever done it. Maybe your nickname is hope. So in the end, I'm not going to beg you to stay, or shove you out the door. I'm simply going to say thank you. You years are a lot like the people. None of you stay forever. The key, I suppose, is to cling forever to the beauty that can be found in each of them. Dispatch forever any ugliness. And don't even consider, not for a second, bitterness. 2014 had a song, Let It Go. 2014 was wise like you. In the end, years and people, you are all teachers. That's what you are. Teachers. It is up to us to learn, because that is life, after all. Learning. When we recognize that, it's pretty easy to stand at the door, whether begging to stay or shoving away, and feel grateful. So maybe part of me is happy to see you go. Part of me is indeed sad. But all of me my dear friend - my dear, dear 2023 - all of me is grateful. So thank you. Give my best to all the years gone by. I very much miss a few of them. And please, whatever you do, tell 2024 to treat me well.
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Robert "Keith" CartwrightI am a friend of God, a dad, a runner who never wins, but is always searching for beauty in the race. Archives
February 2025
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