It's not the things we hold, but the hands we hold that bring us joy

​I went to my friend Stephanie's wedding Saturday. I've known Stephanie for a few years now. She's a big reason why I love Soles4Souls, and why I've been passionate about supporting their mission.

I've always known Stephanie to be a happy woman. Many days her smile has shown up bigger than medicine to me.

But Saturday, that smile of hers looked different. It was deeper than a face. It seemed more than a reaction to a moment. Her smile seemed more in charge - like it was overtaking who she was. Maybe even who she'd always wanted to be.

I don't think Stephanie has always wanted to be married, but like many of us, I think she's always wanted to feel full of joy.

Saturday, her smile looked like joy.

There was a moment when she walked down the aisle to where her future husband Garrett was standing. They connected hands.

Two individual people - four individual hands - all connected - joy.

I know I was sitting in a wedding scene. It would have been easy to feel like I was sitting in the middle of something straight out of the The Wedding Planner... but that's not what I was feeling.

I was thinking about how often we chase smiles in life - trophy smiles - when real joy comes from hands. Real joy comes from the connections we have to one another.

I think maybe a lot of marriages don't work because people go into them looking for smiles. Maybe the ones that work happen when two people go into them truly understanding that when the smiles fade, they still have hands that are bigger than medicine.

I know my friend gets that. And because I know that, I felt joy for her seeing those four connected hands.

My friend's wedding was a beautiful reminder.

We come into the world looking for a hand to hold. Are there smiles bigger than the smile a baby gets when her mom holds her hand? Are there any bigger than the one the mom gets holding it?

In the earliest moments of our life, the foundation for joy is established. But too often, somewhere along the way, we start chasing happiness. Things and not hands become the focus of our attention. Things trick us into believing being happy is better than being full of joy.

At some point, I think we all start to feel empty smiles. Some of us more than others I suppose.

The answer isn't in things, it's in connection.

The answer isn't in a wedding, it's in hands.

Somebody needs you to take their hand this week. Take it and maybe you'll discover a smile that doesn't just appear, you'll discover the smile that takes charge.