It's OK To sing your sad song

​I've come to believe there are two kinds of happy people. People who are happy because they are happy, and people who are happy because they don't know how to be sad. I believe there are far more of us in that second group than there are in the first.

Our instincts are to see every smile as happy. 'Everyone happy' is our comfort zone. Happy makes interactions and relationships much easier.

Sad requires work. It requires sharing on your part and understanding on my mine. It requires vulnerability on your part and curiosity on mine.

A smile is much easier. We all know how to smile, even when we don't feel happy. We all know how to make each other believe we're happy, even when we're sad. Put on the nice smile and the nice clothes and sing the nice song.

Happy.

Until we're walking through a world where it's impossible to know the difference. Who are the happy people? Who exactly are the sad?

Maybe that's the saddest thing of all. Maybe there isn't a smile big enough to hide the painful reality of that truth. Maybe one of the unhealthiest things about us as people is we no longer wonder - is that happy song you're singing you, or is it just a song you wrote for your show?

In many ways, intentional or not, we've come to demonize sad. We've made it a character flaw in ourselves and in each other. We've made happy a clean bill of health, and sad terminally ill.

And no one wants to be terminally ill, so we smile.

But what if being sad isn't any more unhealthy than being happy? What if the only unhealthy thing about being sad is not being able to say I'm sad. What if they only unhealthy thing about being sad is feeling like I have to sing happy songs, when today, I really need to sing a sad one.

Elton John wrote about those sad songs:

If someone else is sufferin' enough, oh, to write it down
When every single word makes sense
Then it's easier to have those songs around
The kick inside is in the line that finally gets to you
And it feels so good to hurt so bad
And suffer just enough to sing the blues

The bible tells us that those who sow in tears shall reap in joy. Our own experiences - our own wisdom - tells us that the truest path to happiness almost always travels a tearful path.

I fear we're losing sight of that path - fast. We smile and avoid wars on the outside, leaving so many with wars raging on the inside. Wars that just want to feel good to hurt so bad.

Wars that just want to sing the blues.

But we smile instead.

We're afraid to invite people to be sad. We're afraid to do it in our relationships. In our churches. In our schools.

So we sing happy songs and convince ourselves everyone is happy. Only many of us know, they aren't always real songs. They are often just part of the show.

If you're sad today, I encourage you - find someone and tell them, I am sad. That doesn't make your broken. It doesn't make you troubled.

The trouble begins when you smile because you're unhappy.

The trouble begins when you sing happy songs when your heart wants you to sing the blues.

Don't be afraid to sing the sad song today. Don't be afraid to skip the smile. And don't be afraid to remind yourself, those who sow in tears shall reap in joy.