Re-written from an article I first shared 9/13/2024
*** We live in a world that is so vocal about what it's against that I sometimes wonder if anyone can be nearly as vocal and articulate about what they are for. I sometimes wonder if we've become so sure of what we are against that we no longer know what we are for. It's easy, really, to be against something. In many ways the world trains us to be that way. Many kids are raised to be afraid of doing what the family is against. Many religions are founded on making us afraid of doing what that particular religion is against. Many employers manage their employees by making them afraid of doing something the company is against. The end result is a world full of people running around certain of what they are against - to protect themselves they HAVE to be certain of that - without having any idea what they are truly for. Seth Godin says, "it's possible to be in favor of something without being against something else." I'm not sure everyone believes that. I'm not sure I always have. I waited until I was in my mid-30s to get married. I always said I wouldn't get married until I knew I'd never get divorced. That's because to me, based on a lot of cultural and spiritual ideals, the definition of marriage WAS not getting divorced. Til death do us part..... What I know now is it's possible to be so against divorce that you never learn what it takes to stay married. You can spend so much time and energy holding a stop sign up to divorce that you never discover what the green light looks or feels like in the marriage the stop sign is trying to protect. Sometimes we can become so proud of ourselves for not being one of those people who gets divorced that we have no idea how unhealthy our fixation on not becoming one of them has made us. Sometimes we stand so firm and fearful against the things we're against that we have no idea how to stand up for the things we're for. These days, I am absolutely for every marriage staying together until death do us part. And I'm no longer against divorce. Some people will say that's a lack of principle. I'll say it's defining a focus. Because the reality is, when we're sure about what we're for, that is an 'us' thing, it sharpens our focus on the things that will make OUR lives better and healthier. It will do the same for the people closest to us. But what we're against, well that's often an 'others' thing. It often reflects our desire to apply pressure on the choices other people are making for THEIR lives. And it's often an attempt to recruit people to stand against the things we stand against. Its a good time of the year to spend time reflecting on what you are for. And why are you for it. Knowing what we're for, and why, that's a much better path forward than knowing what we're against. Knowing what we're against often isn't a path at all. It's most often a stance. It's most often a wall.
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Robert "Keith" CartwrightI am a friend of God, a dad, a runner who never wins, but is always searching for beauty in the race. Archives
February 2025
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