It's the fears we can't see that often most need soothed

​I was leading a training yesterday and talking about our body's response to fear. I told the group, when we sense fear, the first thing our body does is inhibit our capacity to think in favor of turning our body over to its instinct to run or fight or hide.

I told them, the second you all are afraid of something while sitting here, you will no longer be able to learn from me.

A petite and fairly quiet young woman sitting at the table right next to where I was standing in the front of the room asked me, "do you mean like if we suddenly feel afraid of the bat hanging on the wall over there?"

I looked to where she was pointing. As did the rest of the group. And I thought, really God, now is when you want to insert real live examples into my presentation?

And a bat no less!?!?!

Well, as taught, all thinking and learning was put on hold while some of the group exited the room and others stood in the back watching an impromptu bat rescue.

When the group returned, we processed the experiential education moment we'd just shared. But I also told them, be aware that many of the folks who come to them in crisis are driven by bats on walls they can't see.

I shared with them that much of the growth and progress I've made in my own life the last several years has come from a growing understanding of how much of my life has been driven by fear. And not fear of the bats hanging on the walls of my living room, but bats hanging inside of me on the walls of my past.

I told them it's important to understand, many people arrive to them in crisis not fueled by fears we can easily see, but often by fears that are buried deep inside them. They might come across as difficult or ungrateful for the help we're trying to offer. It's highly likely, though, that's not because they are ungrateful, but because we aren't helping the parts of them that most need helped.

If they are like me and how I spent a lot of my life, these are parts of them that even THEY don't know need helped. You can daily feel the fear from bats hanging on the walls of your insides without having a clue you have bats hanging on the walls of your insides.

That's why the most helpful thing we can do to help people in crisis, or really, people in general, is to assume those bats are hanging in there. Offer compassion for fears we can't see like we offer compassion for people leaving a room because they are scared to death of the bat we can all see.

We don't always need to know what people are afraid of to be empathetic toward their fears.

I think it's one of the great challenges of our culture - especially for helping and healing minded people; we can get distracted by the rescues of the bats on walls we can see and not recognize there are walls crumbling inside of people around us that we don't begin to see.

It is not negative thinking but a healing mindset to be at least curious about that toward the people around us.

It is not putting bats in people's minds to lovingly ask them if they are dealing with bats we can't see.

And it is beyond loving to treat everyone with the assumption the bats are there whether anyone sees them or not.

To assume people are dealing with things we can't see is rarely if ever a wild assumption. It is more likely a truth of all humanity.

I gave folks a chance to catch their breath in the training yesterday. I'm reminded to give folks the same chance outside of trainings.

Because chances are, it's a chance they really need.