Jesus, Forever a Baby In A Manger

​Eighteen years ago this morning, I held the glory of heaven in my arms. A kid born without a heartbeat who ultimately helped me discover mine.

I wonder, did Joseph feel the same, holding a child who wasn't his, but rather the child of God, a child born from the words of an angel. In reflection, though, are any of us ever really holding OUR children. And does life offer a greater honor to a dad than being trusted by God to welcome His child into the world?

I am sure Joseph could not think of one.

Today, on my firstborn's 18th birthday, I sure can't think of one.

18 years ago today, Elliott was born, with as the doctors put it, little more than a heartbeat. The doctor worked furiously to save him and collapsed his lung in the process.

In that moment, I remember saying the first prayer of my life. Oh, I'd said plenty of "our fathers" and "hail Marys" and "the salvation prayer" and tons of scripted conversations with God we're taught or coerced into having over the years.

But this was a different kind of conversation. This was me and God and my own free will in the hall of a hospital that smelled and felt too much like death to me. Without my script, the only words I could come up with were, "God, I have no idea what you're up to here. But I trust you. I trust that everything is going to be OK."

I wonder, what conversations did Joseph have with God? Was it something like the words expressed in the MercyMe song, Joseph's Lullaby:

I believe the glory of heaven
Is lying in my arms tonight
But Lord I ask that He for just this moment
Simply be my child

Oh how those words cut to the heart of me.

Even this morning, some eighteen years later, I feel the glory of God in my first child's young adult hugs. And as much as I long for all the good that child will do for this world going forward, I selfishly long for him to be nothing more than my child.

The child who changed my life.

The child who, the older I get, and the more I get real about my life, I come to know as the child who likely saved my life.

Did Joseph know his child would one day go on to save the world, and yet, at the same time, selfishly want that little baby in a manger to be nothing more than simply his child?

It is not easy raising children of God. Because at the heart of that understanding is that God always has plans for them far beyond simply being our child. God's plan for his only begotten son was crucifixion, so it is hard to begrudge God the plans he has for the children he has entrusted to us that are beyond being simply our children.

And so today, I will not begrudge, but rather express the deepest kind of gratitude a dad can have. Gratitude for all the moments God has so kindly allowed me to simply be Elliott's dad, and for allowing Elliott to simply be my child.

I am sure Joseph had some indication of the man Jesus grew up to be, Jesus the healer and the peace giver. And yet, I am sure Joseph never stopped feeling, someplace deep inside him, in a place that was life giving and maybe even life saving, those earliest hours in that cold, dark manger.

I too, no matter how many years pass, will never be far removed from those earliest moments in Elliott's life.

Those earliest conversations with God.

As we move toward Bethlehem, toward that baby in a manger, maybe God doesn't want us either to ever get too far away from feeling Jesus as simply a child.

A life changing
life saving
child.