Laughter Often Feels Like Safety

​Yesterday I said, "Hard conversations can indeed be hard to have, but no meaningful relationship will survive without them." I stand by that. But I was reminded yesterday afternoon that laughter is a personal assistant to hard conversations.

Elliott and I went to Kings Dominion yesterday and tackled the new roller coaster, the Rapterra: The world’s tallest and longest launched wing coaster. (We gave it a 9 out of 10 btw). And from the very second that ride launched us into a wild series of ups and downs and twists and turns, all I could hear was Elliott laughing.

Loudly.

You don't think about it in the moment, but there is something inherently soothing about your child's uncontrollable laughter.

Phycologist Alan Schore suggests that shared joy, especially between parent and child, is a critical building block of emotional well-being. It's a kind of interpersonal regulation - your kid's joy brings peace to you, and vice versa.

In trauma theory - the world where I spend a lot of time - laughter and joy is considered one of the clearest indicators of felt safety. When another close to us is laughing, our nervous system responds with contentment and calm.

I say all this because sometimes we overlook the real meaning and value of certain elements in relationships. Like laughter. And when you overlook the meaning you can also come to overlook the potential.

Sometimes when we are feeling down or anxious, we don't need a pill or a drink, we need a roller coaster ride with our kid.

Sometimes when life isn't feeling so fun in a relationship, we need to intentionally go do something that's going to be fun.

Be laughter.

We often struggle in relationships because we start looking for things outside of the relationship to make them work, when it's the inner gifts of a relationship that truly make them meaningful.

That bring contentment.

Like the gift of hard conversation.

Like the gift of laughter.

Like the gift of felt safety.