Life Forever Changed By What Doesn't Happen

​I reflect a lot on things that have happened to me. Our brain is good at that - holding on to things we've experienced in the past to help us make sense of the things we are experiencing in the present.

But it occurred to me lately that our brains are NOT great at remembering the things that didn't happen to us.

I'm sure many of you read the story recently about the high school teenagers who were rolling toilet paper in the trees of one of their favorite teacher's houses. It was a school tradition.

As the students escaped, they accidentally ran over the teacher, who had tripped and fell in the street as the students drove away.

The teacher died.

A big part of the story is the family of the deceased teacher asked prosecutors to drop charges against the driver of the car. The prosecutors honored their wishes.

I have certainly thought about the grace the family of the teacher offered these students. But more, I think, I have thought about all of my high school choices that could have gone woefully wrong that didn't.

The direction of life can change in an instant. Many times we think about how the things that DID happen changed our lives. And often, we look back on those things with some regret or sorrow or what-ifs.

But I have found myself looking back this week on things that did NOT happen. I've felt great gratitude for those things.

I thought a lot this week about the countless times I drove under the influence of alcohol as a high school student - or drove with a friend who was. It wasn't once or twice, it was many times. And every single one of those times I somehow avoided killing myself or someone else.

There's a different kind of feeling I get when I think about the things that didn't happen that could have. It feels much closer to gratitude. It feels much closer to life's sense of grace.

I am sure these students who were involved in an innocent prank gone wrong will never be rid of the weight of what happened that night. They all stopped and tried to save the teacher's life. Some things in life you can not unsee.

I feel thanks for the family of the teacher who made a choice to make sure some things did NOT happen to these kids. For maybe one day when they are wrestling with the events of what went down that life-changing night, they will find it comforting to reflect on what did not.

Our memories are great at drifting to all the things that have happened to us. Especially the worst of those happenings.

I think it's kind to give our brains a break and reflect on a few things that didn't happen. At least it sure feels more kind in my case.