Living the big 'i have it all together' lie

​Today, Goff talks about the difference between transactional relationships and loving someone with our arms wide open.

For the last two days, I've been in northern Virginia training a cohort of trainers to teach their community about the impacts of adverse childhood experiences. I don't ever make a formal announcement or anything, but my hope is people always see it, when I deliver this training I'm sharing my faith.

Because at the heart of this training is this message that people are hurting. They are often hurting because of something that happened to them in their childhoods. And, these somethings - they leave people feeling ashamed or guilty or uneasy or angry or a whole host of emotions that make them feel unlovable.

Then, on top of that, the way we respond to those hurting, who are sometimes difficult because they are acting on emotions gone haywire, we confirm their suspicions. We send them away with the message you are right - you are indeed unlovable.

I believe that's why we have a hurting epidemic.

◾Suicide is at all-time highs in almost ever demographic.
◾Drug overdose fatalities are at an all-time high.
◾And study after study says people feel more disconnected
than ever.

I think maybe that's because we're too often looking for relationships that are comfortable, that benefit our standing and status and situations in life. We're looking for friends and people that are good for me and not healing for thee.

I told the group yesterday this training ultimately allows us to grant our communities permission to start over in life with a common and collective confession: we are all a frieking mess. We are all broken.

Isn't that beautiful? This golden opportunity to take off all the masks in our communities, take off all the pressure to go through life acting like we have it all together, end the endless pursuit of relationships that support our beliefs we do and can always have it all together.

This training begs us all to agree, with science to support it, we've been living a big "we have it all together" lie.

The real beauty - in the aftermath of the confession, we can get busy with the real work in life. We can get busy helping each other overcome the hurts we've been hiding. We can get busy telling people the value of your iPhone goes down when the screen is cracked, but that's not how it works with people.

Broken people don't lose value.

I mean, that's ultimately why Jesus came to hang out with us, and walked thousands of miles, from broken town to broken town, to say you all are a mess. But guess what, he'd tell them. You're not discounted or being thrown in the fire sale bin at the end of the aisle. You are still worth a zillion bucks and I still love you like crazy.

Do you know how many people out there need to hear you are still worth a zillion bucks and I still love you like crazy? Like everyone - everyone does.

And we need to be the ones who get busy saying it.