Measuring up is an illusion

​A friend asked me recently, 'how do I start to shake the need to measure up?'

I know my answer wasn't entirely helpful. I basically answered, 'when you realize measuring up is an illusion.'

The world doesn't have a measure we can meet to make us feel whole. That's a measure we impose on ourselves. And that measure is a lie.

It's a lie because too often that measure is tied to undoing a past that makes us feel less than whole. Well, that past can't be undone.

Too often that measure is tied to standing out because we've always felt less-than. Only - we come to realize no amount of standing out makes us feel like we are actually standing out.

And too often - that measure is tied to a desire to feel loved. But real love doesn't come with measures or conditions, so placing them on love leaves us feeling more unloved than ever. We begin telling ourselves we aren't worthy of achieving love. We can't meet loves measuring points.

In our culture, we place such an emphasis on performance and behavior. So many people are out there feeling like they don't and can't measure up to that emphasis. I believe that's why research suggests there are more really sad people than really joyful people.

I interviewed my dear friend Kate Fletcher for an upcoming Weathering Together podcast episode. Kate is a runner who is about to run 103 miles to raise scholarship money for students in her school who are capable of continuing their education - who WANT to - but don't have all the resources other kids have.

Kate talked about what running means to her. She said it's often hard. It hurts. But then she said something really powerful. She said:

"I prefer to run toward the meaning and beauty. Purpose and meaning and beauty have nothing to do with perfection or reaching some crazy goal or admiration of other people. For me, it's about finding a path of meaning in life, and feeling myself stitched together and whole like I do when I run. And trying to share that and support others as they search for the wholeness in themselves."

I've always laughed at Kate - she is such a non-traditional runner. She doesn't own a watch. I'm not sure if she knows what a PR is. And my guess is any race medals she has are shoved under the front seat of her car.

Running for her has never been about measuring up - it's been about reaching out. It's never been about looking whole, it's been about feeling whole. Feeling stitched together.

It's Monday. We are all going to run toward something this week.

Will it be toward a self-created measuring point, or toward beauty and meaning?

Will I run toward being admired for all I do, or toward admiring someone else for all they do?

They are inseparable really - feeling stitched together and helping stitch someone else together.

It is sad, I feel, that so many people are running around in this world trying to measure up. Imagine a Monday when the world pauses, drops everything they are doing, and turns to one another in an honoring way, and kindly says, quit trying to measure up.

You already do.