I have been prone at times to fall into a trap of believing I have to have my life in some kind of meaningful order before I can do or create anything meaningful. But that is putting limits on creating and doing that aren't inherently limits of creating and doing.
I try to think of it in terms of my writing. I've come to appreciate that I can type out stories and articles on a keyboard. It's my preference. But if that ideal preference wasn't available, I'd use a pencil and paper. Or crayons. Shoot I might jab my finger and write with my own blood if I had to. That's how much I value writing. I'm not as adaptable, I'm afraid, in other areas of my life. When it comes to living out the stories that I am passionate about writing, I can feel a little more confined. I can feel like all the messes in my life have to be cleaned up before I can even think of tackling something new in life. I can feel like the messes of past relationships have to be cleaned up before tackling a new one. I can feel like the messes of finances have to be cleaned up before I take any new financial risks in life. I can feel like I have to have all of my past fatherhood messes cleaned up before I can begin being a good current father. In writing, I would never let not having things in perfect order stop me from writing. And there's no doubt in my mind that if I had to use crayons, I'd write something as meaningful as I do on this keyboard. (If I had to use blood it would probably still be good, but much shorter 😊). Maybe writing in crayon would actually add something to an article that a keyboard can't. Maybe colors would bring beauty and meaning to a piece that a keyboard isn't cut out to provide. We can look at our messes that way. Maybe they are colors. Maybe they allow us to go forward in life with new meaning and new intentions and new wisdom. Maybe our messes are far more reason to go forward than they are to stop and lean on a broom and wonder, how will this ever get cleaned up? I don't think everything needs to be cleaned up. Or even left behind. Some messes go forward with us. They help us write the next story. Maybe forgiving ourselves for our messes is the first step to seeing the colors in them. The first step to creating and doing. Because creating and doing is the only path to the future. It is the only path to meaning and beauty.
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Robert "Keith" CartwrightI am a friend of God, a dad, a runner who never wins, but is always searching for beauty in the race. Archives
February 2025
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