Our Feelings are not meant to be our leaders

​The thing that makes humans unique from any other creature is the uppermost and highly developed part of our brains: the prefrontal cortex.

Here, and because of the advanced development of this region, we have the power to decide. To make choices. To set goals and evaluate their progress. We have the power to incorporate wisdom and strategy into the behaviors we choose to exhibit - to wisely assess what's next.

We all have the capacity to be leaders. Leaders of ourselves, and leaders of others.

But sometimes, and maybe even often, we hand over the throne of our leadership to the voices of our feelings.

I was watching the Notre Dame football game last night. Most of the night they were being soundly defeated. I did something I know better than to do in the middle of the game. I visited the online message boards where Notre Dame fans hang out.

I saw a very common pattern occur.

At first, I heard, "that fumble hurt us".

Which is true. It did. That's definitely a higher brain assessment of a situation void of any feelings. It was a solid assessment of facts. Fumbles hurt any team's chances of winning. It's true.

But then it moved to, "we will never win a championship with that quarterback."

Look out, here come opinions and feelings.....

"Hopefully all of you idiots who were happy to see him become our quarterback in the first place are happy now."

And then, the highly educated opinion, "well I just looked at your profile picture and you have a lot of nerve calling anyone else an idiot."

Thankfully, here comes a voice of reason - or not....

"We shouldn't be bashing each other, we should be focused on the REAL problem here and that's that USC hired a cheating coach to take advantage of a system that encourages cheating and because our University has standards we'll never compete with cheaters."

And it's official.... the prefrontal cortex has left the building.

Sigh.

The thing is, if you hang out in a conversation like this too long, overrun with feelings and emotions, it can start to impact the way you feel. And the way you think. Which can eventually start taking over the way you behave.

Our feelings and emotions are designed to be voices that inform our choices. But if we're not careful, it's not long before we aren't making choices at all; we're simply jumping on the train of emotions and screaming all aboard!!

And, all WILL jump aboard.

You've seen it in your message boards.

You've seen it in the comments section of your Facebook posts.

You've seen it at the local school board meeting.

You've seen it in your living room.....

I saw grown men cussing out a 20 year old college quarterback and then doing the same to one another over a fumble in a football game.

A-fumble-in-a-football-game....

Grown men who I am sure own businesses and attend church and have their own kids and who have exhibited plenty of healthy behaviors in life, but yet, in this case - here - their feelings were taking over leadership of their lives.

Kind of like the rest of the animal kingdom.

Humans were created to know our feelings, not follow every one of them.

We were created with the capacity to hit a pause button, not press play and then repeat. And escalate...

We were created to use feelings as informants, not villains.

I left that message group last night. I left because I could feel my feelings starting to align with some of the other feelings I was sensing. Feelings I knew weren't in alignment with who I am.

I left because I could feel myself handing over the leadership I rightfully own of my life to feelings that are often out to overthrow me.

Because feelings are quite often out to overthrow me. And you.

We always feel before we choose, so feelings get to believing they are head of the household. They are kings. They are the powerbrokers in our lives.

But we are humans. And we have the capacity to say no; no, feelings, you are not in charge.

We have the capacity to leave with love or to lead with love - there is a time and place for both. But we always have a choice.

Because we are humans.

Choice is what makes it so.