Our most meaningful connections are found in our most difficult conversations

​"When we avoid difficult conversations, we trade short term discomfort for long term dysfunction."

I know few truths better.

I'm convinced that the 'meaning' behind a meaningful connection is the ability to have the difficult conversations. Without that, there is no connection. And without connection, there are a lot of people running around holding difficult stuff inside.

It's not like we need to have that kind of connection with our entire Facebook friends list. It's fine to have a collection of 'friends.' We need them. But I'm afraid when it comes to the number of people many of us can have the difficult conversations with - that list is often stuck on zero.

I support counseling. Therapy. I work part time in the counseling center of a local college - so I know the value. But more and more, I'm starting to believe we see our therapists as the people we have difficult conversations with when we're overwhelmed by the burden of not being able to have them with the people we really want to have them with.

Again - having those conversations with a therapist IS a good thing.
I'm just afraid, some days, as a culture we're losing sight of the best thing - having those conversations with one another.

And listen, I'll be the first to admit I'm much better at writing about the importance of those conversations than I am at having them.

I recently heard about a young person who took their life. At breakfast Sunday, in the middle of talking about our fantasy football lineups for the day, I knew I needed to talk to my boys about it.

Fantasy football was a comfortable place. Who wouldn't rather talk about Cooper Kupp than suicide? But I've long said, I want my boys to think of me when they think of who they want to have the difficult convesations with in life.

I know now they won't get there by me proclaiming that they can always talk to me. They get there by me actually having those difficult conversations.

"Did you boys know the young person who took their life?"

No.

"Do you know there are a lot of people out there who have days when they wish they weren't alive?"

Yes. I guess so.

"And you know they aren't bad people, they are just having a hard time finding their reasons to be alive?"

Yea.

"Well I just want you to know if you're ever struggling with your reasons, I'm here."

We know.

Hey Elliott, I really think Josh Allen is going to have a big day against The Football Team today.......

I don't know what kind of connection was made in that conversation. I don't know the long term impact it will have. But I know I had a difficult conversation that I didn't want to have.

For me - that's one more step out of dysfunction and one more step toward the possibility of meaningful connnection.