Outcomes Aren't Always Indictments On Decisions

​In the aftermath of divorce there has been an autopsy. An autopsy performed by me, and an autopsy performed by people outside of my marriage.

The autopsy sounds a lot like questions:

What did you do wrong?

Where did you miss the signs?

Why didn't you see it coming?

The reality is - a reality very difficult for many of us to embrace - is not every bad outcome is the result of bad decisions and mistakes. We like to believe this isn't true. We like to believe if we can pinpoint where we screwed up, we can protect ourselves from ever landing in a place that feels all screwed up ever again.

But here's some truth. Sometimes you didn't mess up. Sometimes you just showed up and life did what life sometimes does. Sometimes what you're feeling isn't evidence of failure - sometimes it's proof that you cared, you risked, you tried.

Sometimes our kids going through struggles isn't because we've failed as a parent.

Sometimes a divorce doesn't mean the marriage was a bad decision to begin with.

Sometimes changing jobs doesn't mean we didn't have what it took to succeed in the last one.

Sometimes standing in the wilderness of life doesn't mean we didn't do a great job of following God.

Just because an outcome feels like failure doesn't mean WE are the failing that landed us there.

Outcomes aren't always the best way to evaluate our choices along the way. They shouldn't be dismissed, for sure, but we are often too quick to use them to indict ourselves for every decision we've ever made. Sometimes an outcome isn't an invitation to come up with a better decision, but instead an invitation to tell ourselves a new story about ones we've already made.

Let me encourage you. It's very possible that what you're feeling isn't because you failed. Sometimes life just takes a turn. Now you get to decide: do I continue to beat myself up for that turn, or do I find the courage to boldly face the next turn?

One choice gives your outcomes the power to say just give up. The other choice gives your outcomes the opportunity to say you keep going.

So I want to encourage you,

keep going....