Peace, it's an inside out journey

​Turmoil: a condition of extreme confusion, agitation or commotion.

Turmoil: most of my life has been spent in turmoil.

I have discovered something in life I wish I would have discovered much sooner.

Me.

I spent five decades of my life living in turmoil. The turmoil of trying to make sense of the world, while each day getting further removed from making sense of me.

The world, our culture, it grooms us to believe that we make sense of ourselves by making sense of the world. We are groomed to believe that peace is an outside in process, and not the other way around.

But I know it's humanly possible to get five decades into life and feel like you know everything there is to know about the world, yet at the same time, know nothing at all about yourself.

That gap, that gap of knowing far more about the world than you know of yourself, that is turmoil.

Peace: a state of tranquility and quiet.

I don't think anyone would suggest that as I live out this sixth decade of my life that there is world peace. Most would suggest the opposite.

But I am at peace; at least as much as I have ever been.

Peace, much like turmoil, is a journey. Peace is simply a sign one's journey is headed in the right direction. And I am headed in the right direction.

I've discovered the key to my peace isn't finding a way to quiet the world, it's through prayer and writing and long walks, quieting the commotion in my mind.

I've discovered the key to my peace isn't bringing world peace, it's knowing the gifts I have to contribute to the world's journey toward peace. And contributing them.

I've discovered the key to my peace isn't answering the question, who am I? It's coming to love the answer God gave me to that question long before I was born.

I've discovered the key to my peace isn't dictating how the world relates to me, it's choosing to peacefully relate to the people in my world.

Oh, I confess, there are days my life can still feel full of turmoil. It can feel like it wants to once again head down the road of confusion and agitation.

I am still confronted with those days; that has not changed.

What has changed, though, in the midst of turmoil, I know peace is not found out there, it's found in here.

Peace is not found by changing the world, it's found by changing me. Something I would have remained forever ill-equipped to do if I'd never come to know who I truly am.

There are days I regret having made that discovery, who am I, much later than I would've liked to have. But I sure don't regret the discovery. It's been the most beautiful discovery of my life.

Peace.

A state of quiet and tranquility.