Politics Used To Be A Big Part Of us, Now I fear - It Is Us

​Yesterday, a friend of mine shared some thoughts and feelings on a recent event. Before sharing, she prefaced that it had been a long time since she allowed herself to share something "political."

Those quotation marks are hers, not mine.

But it WAS the quotation marks that made me wonder, what exactly does it mean to be political today? I mean, she wasn't writing about elections or political parties or voter registration or current legislative bills up for debate in congress. She was sharing her thoughts and feelings about an interaction between humans that turned sad and destructive.

She was writing about humanity; can we do that these days outside of the context of politics?

When I was young - some five decades ago - I remember our politics being a reflection of our humanity. I think today more of us look at humanity through the lens of our politics. When I was young, who we were largely influenced how we voted; today, I believe more than ever, our votes are a starting point for determining who we are.

Today, I believe we see interactions between humans and allow the politics we identify with to shape how we see, think, and feel about those interactions. I guess that's how these interactions become more about "politics" than humanity. I guess that's how we look at news stories and let our "positions" lead the way more than we allow our compassion and empathy to create a space for curiosity and exploration.

Curiosity and exploration, after all, is the recipe for coming together. But politics, I fear, has made coming together some sort of mortal sin, a sin that puts one at risk of being disowned by their politics.

This is no small deal. Because for many - and research supports this - politics has become as central to one's social identity as ethnicity and religion and nationality. I believe partisanship has become at least as much about belonging as it is about a label for our policy positions.

And I get this, because the other trend I've seen decline since my youth IS people's sense of belonging. Again, research points to an American humanity that feels as lonely and disconnected as it's ever felt.

I spent decades working with some really good kids who'd been involved with some really destructive gangs and peer groups. Groups and gangs that influenced these kids' thoughts and choices - many of which were unhealthy, violent and self-destructive.

Why would really good kids make such really poor choices?

Because fitting in - belonging - is one of humanity's core needs. Maybe its core-est need. If one doesn't belong, they will always have a heart that longs to do so. A longing that leaves many people vulnerable to saying yes to a chance to belong first and then figure out the direction and price of that belonging later. (Side note: many marriages and romantic partnerships start this way...)

So am I suggesting that Democrats and Republicans and Libertarians and Independents have become gangs preying on the lost and lonely? Not necessarily, but in some cases - yes.

But I do very much believe there are many who are lost and lonely and disconnected, who, as a result, are more susceptible than ever to adopt positions about humanity before fully exploring the human impact of those positions.

I wonder how many of us have not allowed ourselves to be as compassionate and empathetic towards fellow humans for fear it might look like a position not in alignment with our voting kin?

I wonder how many of us would be brave enough to express some measure of that compassion or empathy if it put us at any risk at all of looking like one of them (insert opposing political party)?

I am not relatively bothered by our country's political divide. I do, however, have great fear that our political divide has come to define the character and direction of our humanity.

Politics used to be a big part of us.

Now, I fear, it is us.