My prayer life has had several iterations over the years.
I was introduced to prayer as words we memorize and recite to God. I was always good at the memorizing and reciting. I'm not sure I ever got good at the 'to God' part, though. Then I went through a period of life where I hid from prayer, for fear God might actually show up in the middle of one. At some point prayer turned to save me. Not so much save me from my sins but save me from myself. Come to find out those two aren't really so different. I suppose prayer began its healthy iteration in my life when I was 42 years old. My firstborn was born with not much of a heartbeat. There was a lot of concern among the doctors he wouldn't stay born at all. I said to God, I have no idea what to say here, but I trust you know what needs to be said. Turns out that was quite biblical. Romans 8:26 says, God’s Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don’t know how or what to pray, it doesn’t matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans (The Message). I was sure full of wordless sighs that day. Today, I'm better at putting words to my sighs. Not great, but better. I've come to realize I was never good at putting words to sighs with anyone, which makes it really difficult to do it with God. I think that stands in the way of a lot of us having a meaningful prayer life. We have a hard time sharing our feelings and emotions in the presence of one another, so we're really not well practiced at doing that in the presence of God. Or trusting that it's even a good idea. We don't often let out our most challenging insides, which makes it nearly impossible to lift them up. I've discovered that God doesn't much need me to lift them up. For me, I've come to feel, God's favorite prayer from me is "would you please just join me in this mess in my insides?" Turns out God isn't nearly as afraid of my hard stuff as I am. And over time he's good at making me less afraid of it. It's made it easier, to be honest, to invite others into the messiness of my life. Many days my writing here is prayer. It's me sitting here with God processing my life. With you. The words are never memorized before I pour them out. They rarely start with Dear God or end with Amen. But I do invite God into each moment I sit down here and write. Maybe it's God who adds amen. I don't know. But it does feel like the truest form of prayer I've ever experienced, this simple recognition of and leaning into God's presence. Into God's hug. It makes sense to me now. I mean, the greatest peace we can experience in life often comes from the peace we feel in the presence of another. Why would it be any different with the God who created us to find peace that way? In presence. If you run out of words to say to God today, or you don't have them quite memorized yet, maybe just simply say, thank you for being here God. Thank you for showing up. I don't think you'll have to say amen; I think God will have already said it. With a smile. In your presence.
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Robert "Keith" CartwrightI am a friend of God, a dad, a runner who never wins, but is always searching for beauty in the race. Archives
February 2025
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