preserving our labels at the expense of preserving ourselves

​In her book, Bravey, Alexi Pappas talks about this idea of collecting labels and applying them to our lives like bandages to repair or even hide the hurt we feel inside. Labels like operations director or runner or dad or college degree or husband or baptist or democrat or.... you get the picture.

I trust you have your own labels.

Her idea is that sometimes when we are hurting inside, or maybe we don't even know who the person is living inside us, we get busy collecting and applying labels. Most of these labels are labels we think the rest of the world will approve of. Who wants to slap labels on that the world will ultimately turn their noses up at?

When these labels ultimately do come to define us, Pappas says, as we fight with all our might to maintain them, these labels can turn us into a mummy and then in turn suffocate us.

As I read Pappas describing a bit of her mom's life and her life, I thought about my life. I thought about how I've been trying to slowly peel labels off my body the last few years. It hasn't been easy - it's like yanking that bandaid off my arm where I got that COVID vaccination last week. No matter where you put a bandaid, that sucker always hurts to pull off.

Before I go too far, I need to say that I realize that not all labels are bandages. I realize that for some the label "marriage" is absolutely an extension of who two people with a shared vision for what they want to contribute to the world. I realize that for some their "job title" label is absolutely an avenue for that person to share their gifts and talents with the world. I realize for some the label of "runner" isn't a label that says look at me, but rather a label that represents someone trying to be a better and healthier version of self.

I realize some labels are someone's insides making an outside appearance and not bandages that hide those insides.

I just know for me, I've collected a lot of bandages along the way. And when you start peeling them off, you can be left feeling a little naked. The worst part isn't that you throw other people for a loop when you start removing labels - because believe me, it sure does - but the worst part is in many ways you don't recognize yourself at times.

Many days you live in a constant state of confusion.

But I know Pappas is right when she says, "Everything you are in this world hinges on you facing yourself before you face the world."

Facing yourself is hard. But I will tell you, it's not nearly as hard as keeping up with labels that don't allow you to face yourself. Facing yourself for the first time is tough - it's always sort of awkward meeting a stranger for coffee - but going through life pretending that stranger is someone you know like a best friend is absolutely exhausting.

Endlessly exhausting.

So as I sit here writing this, I know writer is a label that is absolutely an extension of facing myself - getting to know myself - it's an extension of who I am - which makes it a very cool feeling label.

It's a label that comes with great hope and not endless exhaustion.

It's a label that says here I am not one that hides me.

On this Monday, maybe that would be a useful exercise for some folks. What are your labels? What labels are endlessly exhausting you to keep up with because they aren't labels that extend from you - but rather, they hide you. And which labels come with great hope? Which labels are very cool feeling labels.

Maybe there are some labels to peel off today. Yes, it hurts, but not as much as spending another day keeping up with them.

And the good news, I've discovered, the more of those you peel off, the more energy you have to pour into the ones that say great hope.