Relationships Are Worth The Work

​I recently met with a group of 22 leaders. We were talking about practical things they could do to help remind themselves that they matter. One suggestion was pretty simple: invest in relationships.

I asked them, with a show of hands, tell me how many of you feel like you do a good job with this?

No one raised their hand.

I assumed it was too late in the day. The energy in the room was draining. But I pressed. "Is this really true, no one in here really feels like they do a good job investing in relationships?"

I didn't ask to shame; most days I'm quick to own that I myself don't do a great job investing in connection. But I was surprised to find it so prevalent among such a large group.

As we talked about it, the reasons began to surface.

"I'm tired."

"It takes too much energy, and I don't have much to spare."

"I don't feel like people will reciprocate my energy."

"I always get burned in relationships."

All answers that resonated with me. The reality is, relationships ARE work. And in the midst of a loneliness epidemic, I'm not sure if we've come to think relationships SHOULD NOT BE such hard work—that our relationships should somehow take care of themselves—or if we've simply decided they are not at all WORTH the work.

Research tells us that relationships are among the strongest predictors of happiness, resilience, physical health, and even longevity. So, I think it's pretty important to figure out where our chronic disconnection is coming from.

I told the group that I'd spent much of the past year researching and talking about "mattering." I've discovered that investing in relationships doesn't just remind other people that they matter to us, it reminds us that WE matter. And like I've said often lately, if we feel like we matter, the things we do and the places we'll go will likely matter more to us.

Before we closed our time together, I asked the group to write down one relationship they'd commit to investing in over the next two weeks. Maybe give someone a call, meet them for coffee, go for a walk, write them a thank you note. It doesn't have to be an all-in kind of investment, just a step toward connection.

Maybe a step you've been hesitant to take.

Now, it's not like I'm a teacher and will be grading their homework two weeks from now. Chances are I'll never know if they will follow through on what they wrote down. I just hope they will.

But I did write my own personal relationship assignment down.

I will know if I follow through.

I will know if I care enough about me to invest in the thing that probably means as much to my well-being as anything:

Relationships.