Seek first to understand

​It's easy to judge someone's decisions. We look at their decisions, decide if it's a right or wrong choice - usually based on what we think we would have done with that decision - and then we cast a judgment. Or an opinion.

We are good at comparing choices. We're not as good at comparing the positions choices are made from. Because no two choices come from the same positions.

The decisions one makes from a position of loneliness might look different from the choices someone makes from a position of togetherness.

The decisions one makes from a position of poverty may look different than the choices one makes from a position of wealth.

The decisions one makes from a life of oppression may look different than the decisions one makes from a life of protection.

The decisions one makes after a trying morning with little children looks different than the decision one makes living in an empty nest.

Here's the thing. If all we're interested in having is judgment - or forming an opinion, we don't need to understand the positions. But if we're looking to have empathy and compassion, if we're looking to influence healing, then understanding positions becomes everything.

There is another side to this equation as well, though.

Even though I've been through a hard time, my next decision will influence my position. Because no matter what position I'm in, I will always have a new decision to make. If I make it blaming myself or blaming someone else for that position, chances are my decision will look like bitterness.

I think we spend way too little time trying to understand the positions other people are in - and how much their positions influence their decisions. All the while, we spend way too much time focusing on our own positions as a reason for not making healthy decisions.

There is a balance here. There is a healing here. It's in this place where I'm willing to overcome the challenges in my life to meet someone else in the challenges of their life. The decisions that help me overcome the positions in my own life are often the foundation for a better understanding of the positions of someone else's life.

No two decisions are the same. No two positions are the same. But understanding can look a lot alike.

Understanding ourselves. Understanding others.