Sometimes An Ending Is Braver Than Continuing

​Most people view perseverance, hope, and commitment as virtues (because they are). Yet, there are times when clinging to these virtues keeps us from moving forward.

I have discovered, in some hard ways, that before a new beginning, there often has to be a necessary ending. That can look like ending an old mindset, a relationship, a job, or even a version of myself that no longer aligns with who I am becoming.

Who I am called to be.

I think sometimes we lack the courage to make necessary endings because too often endings are called failures.

Failed marriage. Failed job. Failed project.

The more we personalize our endings as failures, the longer we will hold onto situations that might be harmful for fear of being seen as a failure.

I have learned a hard lesson in life. I have spent a lot of time holding on to things that were in reality - holding on to me.

While I was holding on to things in the name of perseverance and hope and commitment, an evil force in the world was smiling - big - in recognition that those very things were holding me back from contributing real light and hope to the world.

Paul had to let go of his former identity as a Pharisee and a persecutor of Christians to become the great apostle who carried the Gospel to Gentiles.

Abraham had to leave his home, all of his people and belongings, to step into God's promise.

Jesus had to die to introduce everlasting life.

Richard Bach once said, "What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the master calls a butterfly."

There are times when we absolutely need to persevere, when we need to do everything in our power to heal the things that are fraying our commitments. Ending is not always the best alternative to doing the hard work of continuing.

But sometimes it is.

And I know, discerning the difference isn't easy. So how can I possibly know?

If prayer plays a role in your life, pray for clarity. Maybe talk to a pastor or trusted friend.

Differentiate between struggle and harm. Struggles are temporary, and if the relationship or situation is strong, you will likely be able to persevere through a struggle. If the foundation is not strong, a struggle may turn to harm; poor mental or physical health, constantly feeling depleted - depleted of energy and hope - or a compromise of one's well-being in general.

Is not making an ending about fear? Fear of the unknown. Fear of the hard path and growth ahead? Fear is rarely a great fuel for decisions.

I would also play out the end game of perseverance. If I persevere through this, what is the best-case scenario? What is the best way this possibly ends?

Also, what is the worst-case? And how do those scenarios align with who I long to become?

This is not an easy message. So many of us have been raised to believe that the brave and right thing to do is hold on.

And indeed, sometimes it is.

But there are times, I am here to assure you, that the brave thing to do looks like an ending. Sometimes letting go of something that is no longer serving you, or worse, is tearing you apart, is not giving up; it's making space for what is next.

Sometimes, endings really are the bravest and healthiest choice.