Sometimes Belief Doesn't Just Show UP. We Have To Go Find It.

​I went for a run yesterday.

It was a special run.

It's not like I've done ZERO running the last several years. And it's not like yesterday's run was ALL running - my running will always include a lot of walking - but it was relatively special in that for the first time in a long time - I pushed myself.

Given the weather and the path and my recent pacing history, I set a goal that would be very difficult to achieve. I wasn't sure if I could do it. But somewhere in the middle of that run yesterday, I reclaimed the belief that I could.

This is the time of the year when memories pop up from six years ago. Oh.. 2020. That summer when I had nothing else to do but complete the Great Virtual Race Across Tennessee.

And Back....

1270 miles - in 4 months - 10 miles per day - over 300 miles per month.

The memories of it pop up and I sometimes ask - who is that? Are these AI generated photos and memories infiltrating my Facebook memory feed to humiliate me? To lovingly harass me like my well-intentioned friend Solomon 😊?

But no. Those photos are me.

I did that.

After that race was completed, I had no intention of keeping up with that running volume. But I also had no intention of retreating to this place I've found myself. Which frankly, is a physically unhealthy place.

I can say a lot of reasonably true things:

I've spent the last several years healing mentally and emotionally from a broken marriage.

I've devoted more time to my sons.

I've become more passionate and focused on writing and my work life.

All of those things are true. And necessary. But what is ALSO true is that I've let all of those things become excuses for letting some other important areas go. Or - let's just be real - I've given those things permission to give me permission to be lazy.

Yesterday, I was reminded of all the valuable lessons that running teaches. Not the least of which is that running is NOT separate from mental and emotional healing. Running teaches:

Discomfort without panic.

Patience without immediate reward.

Regulation under stress.

How NOT to quit when the apartment complex entrance finish line is way out of sight!!

I set out yesterday not to begin reclaiming that 2020 running self, but to reclaim the belief that I can be a whole lot kinder to myself physically than I have been.

I went out to reclaim movement. Direction. I went out to reclaim the elusive joy that can only be found at the intersection of suffering and possibility.

I went out to reclaim belief.

I have some goals out in front of me that I don't fully believe are possible in this moment. But yet, after yesterday, I suddenly believe that along the way of the journey there, I will reclaim the belief that they absolutely are.

Sometimes belief shows up, but most of the time we have to go get it.

Off I go......