Sometimes it's about doing the best thing and not the right thing

​I had a conversation with a friend about my two sons this week. I told him I have one son who wants to know all the rules because that's his path to pleasing people. If I adhere to the boundaries people set for me, those people will not be angry with me. And maybe even they'll like me.

He's never actually said that, but I see him living it.

Then I have another son. He also wants to know all the rules. But he wants to know them because he believes on the other side of those rules is all the fun stuff in life - the adventure.

He's never actually said that, but I see him living it.

It's funny - if someone asked me which son do you worry about most in terms of long-term wellness - it would be the rule follower and not the rule ignorer.

Oh, I believe they are both on a good path. They are good boys and good can overcome a lot. But I've discovered that rules and boundaries can become a burden in life, they can become a relentless pressure, they can start sucking the ever living life out of you.

You can wake up one day perfectly located in the coral that's been built for you. Yet, inside that coral, you are dead.

I think we have rules and boundaries and corals because we believe they are good guidance. They aren't. The rules and boundaries that fit here don't fit over there. The rules and boundaries that apply to this stage of life don't apply to the next one. And, some rules and boundaries that were true 20 years ago, they aren't even true today.

If your direction in life depends on keeping up with the latest rules, that can become an exhausting life.

Listen, I know we need some rules and boundaries to keep us safe and alive. They have their place.

But more than rules and boundaries in life, I've come to believe what one needs to be fully alive is character and curiosity. Too often, our rules and boundaries are in place to impose character and not to encourage us to adopt our own. Those same rules and boundaries often stifle curiosity, not encourage it. Rules and boundaries often do the thinking for us at the expense of us learning how to think for ourselves.

More and more, with both boys, I challenge them to ask what is possible, not what are the rules.

More and more, I challenge them to ask what is the best thing I can do here, not what is the right thing.

Best reflects on love. Right often reflects on the rules. Best reflects on who I am and who I want to become. Right often refects on who someone else thinks or even demands I should be.

I think we should all go into the world today and do the very best thing. Sometimes that looks like the rules.

Sometimes it doesn't.