Sometimes Tackling Our Wishes Grants Someone Else There's

​I was sitting in the parking lot of Barnes and Noble earlier this week. I was talking on the phone with a friend. I told her about a gift idea I had for my boys. I told her I was going to buy us all the same book, then I was going to put a note in my boys' books offering them cash to read it, write about it, and have a conversation with me about what the book meant to them.

She said, "that's a great idea. I might steal it."

(It's a blessing to have confidence building friends in your life who will tell you that they are going to steal your ideas).

I also told her that if I'm being honest, this gift is for me and not for them. Having meaningful conversations has never been my strong suit, even if I am better at it than I've even been. I also know there are some hallow voids in my life from never having had and being unable to have meaningful conversations with people in my life I wish I could have.

And maybe at times feel like I should have been able to.

I don't want my boys to have those voids. I don't want to deepen the holes of my own voids by passing them down to them. And it just seemed easier to me, and yes, maybe just easier FOR me, to say I'll pay you guys a couple of hundred bucks to read, write about and talk about this book with me than it would have been talking about voids.

I admit, it had a bit of a bribery feel to it, even if I felt completely okay with that while believing the ends would justify the means. But all feels of bribery disappeared when the boys opened their books and read their notes and smiled.

Not just smiled. I have seen their smiles when they get their hands on cold hard cash. These were not those smiles. These were smiles that said they were looking forward to this project together far more than they were looking forward to the cash. (Even if I have no illusions that when we are done they are going to say keep your money, dad....).

I think all boys have an inner longing to be able to read with their dad, write with their dad, have meaningful conversations with their dad. I think it's there long before a boy turns 50 and discovers he missed out on it.

These were not smiles of granting a dad his wish, these were smiles of boys having THEIR wishes granted.

I don't know if this was a great idea - one worth stealing. But I know for sure it came from my commitment to relentlessly tackle some of the deepest holes in my life, even if most of the time I have no idea how to tackle them.

Sometimes I'm sitting in the parking lot of a book store and an idea comes to me about how to tackle them. There were days when my tackling ideas would scare me off. Those days are gone.

As we head into the new year, it might be worth the time to think about things you've been wanting to tackle. Maybe consider trying something that feels way out there and yet, someone way out there in your life might be waiting for you to try it.

Sometimes relentlessly tackling our wishes ends up being the granting of someone else's.

Sometimes bribery isn't bribery at all.