The cost can be so overwhelming that we miss the call

​In the aftermath of my divorce, in the early months and even years after if I'm being honest, I spent a lot of time talking about what divorce had cost me. That talk sounded like blame; blaming her and blaming me and blaming my past and blaming anything that could help me make some sense of what divorce had cost me.

I don't spend much time there these days, though. I won't say I never go there. I'm human. And humans are all prone to revisiting places where we can get to feeling like life was a thief.

But I have come to realize it's possible for that to always be my divorce story. A cost. A loss. It is possible for me to forever reflect on that event in my life with blame and shame and guilt.

That is entirely possible.

But what is also possible is focusing on the other side.

I've come to know that even though God is with us in trials, we don't often recognize him until we get to the other side of them. At least that has been my experience.

I know I didn't recognize God's presence in my life enough when I was married, which can lead one to feel a little hypocritical when reaching out to God after the fact. But a reality I've come to know and embrace and find strength in is that we have an after the fact God.

After we’d thoroughly demonstrated we weren’t doing very well in our marriage to God, God showed up in person and said we can figure this out. And after God showed up in person, he died on a cross, only to rise to life in three days and say there is still time to figure this out.

If we have a God who died on a cross and then said this isn’t about the cost of the cross but the calling after the cost, how much time does God want me to spend wrestling with the cost?

I’ve thought about it a lot the last year or so. I’m not sure I’ll ever be much of an expert in helping my boys prevent a divorce in their lives. I have some tips, for sure. But the factors in a relationship are unpredictable and always changing and there is too much unforeseen to really be of great help to them preventing the cost I experienced.

But where I can help them, where I’ve become a bit of an expert, is what you do after the fact. Whether that’s divorce or any of the number of hard facts they will experience in life, because they WILL experience hard facts, my advice is actually quite simple - focus on the call and not the cost.

God has made it clear to me in the past couple of years that he is not done with me. He's made it clear to me that no matter how grave I see the cost I went through, he still sees plenty of hope and opportunity and life ahead. He has made it clear I am made for more than the cost.

I will tell my boys, don't miss God's clear calling while you're obsessed with finding some explanation for a cost that you are never going to find.

Making sense of our past isn't about understanding our cost, it's about using our cost to make better sense of our future. It's in our future that we discover Christ's ultimate message on the cross: this looks like pain and cost in the moment, but if you'll pay attention it could become hope and life in the future.

That doesn't happen trying to find the right places to blame for what we've gone through, it happens by turning to God for a call to the place he's pointing us to after the fact.

We have an after the fact God. And the greatest fact to know in that is there is no fact in our life that costs us a God who is forever calling us. If we don't hear that call, it might be because we're still wrapped up in our cost.

It's easy to get wrapped up there. I know.

It's also possible to turn away from there and answer the call.

I know that too.

I know the cost of life can get overwhelming, when it does, consider listening for a call you might otherwise miss.