The power is found in the untangling

​I had a meeting with some work colleagues yesterday morning. The group is made up of folks I delivered a trauma training to last summer. The training turned out to be more than a training - they usually do - it became a beautiful experience shared by beautiful people. Friends.

As a result, we've continued to meet once a month to process and extend the experience.

One of the folks on the call shared that someone close to her has been going through a difficult time. She's realizing, she said, that what she herself has been through is equipping her to help this person in ways she never would have been able to.

She told us, that is powerful to me.

I told her I heard a pastor ask in a sermon that very morning, "what happens when you no longer know the difference between who you are and what you've been through?"

I told my friend she just answered the question. The answer is - you become powerless. Powerless to change your life; powerless to be an agent of change in anyone else's life.

Another woman on the call shared an analogy that stuck with me. She said it's like Christmas lights that look so beautiful when they are strung and lit around a tree. They are the same lights, she said, that before strung around the tree were a tangled mess in a box.

They are the same lights. The untangling simply helped reveal their beauty.

That is writing to me. I often write to untangle the world. And lately I've been doing a lot of writing that focuses on untangling me.

The events in our life gain power and momentum if we never stop to untangle then. I'm discovering in writing out the story of my life just how much I have let decades of events - some events I did - some events done to me - some events that were just events - but all the events can start to get tangled together and shoved in a box and we can come to see that box as our life.

We can come to accept our identity as the tangled mess in the box and lose sight of the power available to us in the untangling.

I have this habit that doesn't work well for me. The habit isn't important. But as I've been writing I've come to realize just how much this habit is tied to my tangled mess. It's become part of the momentum of my events.

Lately when I'm tempted by this habit I tell myself: "you are not the kind of person who does this thing."

And that has been powerful.

What I am doing is purposefully stopping and reminding myself, I am not the events in my life. The tangled messes of my life speak to my identity - sometimes loudly - but they are most certainly NOT my identity.

Not unless I leave the messes tangled.

The power and the beauty is found in the untangling.

Untangle.