Yesterday, I had a chance to guest lecture for a local college developmental psychology class. The professor in the class is a friend. Because of the pandemic, it was the first time we'd seen each other in nearly two years.
I knew my friend had been battling cancer. So one of the first things I asked him was 'how are you?' He told me he was doing great - the prognosis is good. But then he went on to tell me - with excitement - the thing that has impacted him most in his battle. He said he could have never imagined the number of people who have showed up to support him and his family. "I've always had good friends," he told me. "I was just caught completely off guard by how many of them were willing to help us out." It made all the difference, he said. It's funny how things work out. I didn't plan to have this conversation with my friend about the importance of connections before I talked with his class about the importance of connections. But I did. And in an instant, the story he told me became the story I told. Because I was there to tell his class that when it comes to substance abuse - or any addiction really - the greatest protective factor we have in life is our connections. The more emersed we are in meaningful relationships with people, the less likely it is we become dependent on relationships with substances. In the words of my friend - it makes all the difference. The message spoke to these kids. I could see it in their eyes. There was an intensity you don't see when you give the old 'this is your brain on drugs' talk. The sad part to me, I could tell it wasn't an uplifting message for them. I recognized the looks in their eyes - many of them were longing for the kind of connections my friend was talking about. I wasn't suprised by that. I've worked part-time out of the counseling center at this local college for many years now. Every year I've been there, more students have come in for counseling than the year before. Lori Gotlieb, a therapist and author, says this about people she has seen in therapy. "No matter the circumstances, there seemed to be this common element of loneliness, a craving for but a lack of a strong sense of human connection. A want. They rarely expressed it that way, but the more I learned about their lives, the more I could sense it." When you hear that - it makes it less surprising that when it came to his fight with cancer, my friend couldn't wait to talk about the connections he had. When you hear that - it makes it's easier to understand why a group of students looked more fearful than hopeful when I told them the greatest preventative health measure they have in their lives is the connections they have with other humans. We are a heavily medicated culture. I'm not here to debate the merits of that. But I am here to wonder out loud if in the midst of prescribing healing medications, doctors are missing out on the one that heals the most. Connections. I am here to wonder out loud if we non-doctors are all missing the chance to offer one another the cheapest and most effective healing of all. Connections. I wonder if we are all missing the chance to offer our friends and family the chance to say - with excitement - yes, I've been going through a battle, but let me tell you about all the people who have shown up for me.... It's made all the difference.
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Robert "Keith" CartwrightI am a friend of God, a dad, a runner who never wins, but is always searching for beauty in the race. Archives
February 2025
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