There are answers for everything, just not always when we want them

​It feels like there is a run on sadness in my circle these days. A number of friends near and far have lost loved ones quite unexpectedly.

My heart hurts for them.

Loss is hard. Many of us have experienced it. And I know that what complicates loss for me is not understanding why my loss ever had to be experienced in the first place. It seems like I'm much better at understanding blessings in my life than I am at making sense of things that feel more like curses.

Because of my faith, I'm usually looking to God to make sense of these curses. It starts with a gentle 'why' and can quickly turn to blame: You should have intervened, God. Surely you were capable of better than this.

I've had well meaning people in my life who in those moments have assured me that God has a good reason for everything. As if God's good reason should somehow undo how bad I feel in the moment about whatever His good reason is. And their well meaning not only fails to make me feel better, but leaves me feeling suddenly guilty about having felt bad at all.

These days, I do believe there is a reason. I do believe there is an answer for why. But I've come to know that reasons and answers often get revealed on God's timeline, and not mine. I can't honestly say that's something I appreciate about God, at times it makes God feel insensitive toward me, but knowing this about God has allowed me to find peace in situations I never could have before.

I think about the people watching Jesus get crucified. Many people who loved him dearly were about to experience a significant loss in their lives. Surely they were asking why. And surely there was no reasonable explanation for it in that moment.

No amount of searching could have revealed one.

No amount of searching would have helped anyone in that moment understand why a father would allow his son to experience such torture.

It turns out that isn't because there wasn't an answer, it simply wasn't time for that answer to be revealed. The answer was three days away.

I don't use that story as an assurance that the answers in my life are only a few days away if I just hang in there. Some answers I long for will never come my way this side of eternity. But I do know that all answers will eventually come my way.

I am better than ever at not looking for answers in my life, especially for experiences for which I fully know there is no answer good enough. I trust those answers are God's and on God's timeline, even if that trust offers me little comfort.

I have come to know that sometimes my peace looks more like not looking for answers than finding them.

My heart hurts for all who are experiencing loss for which there are no answers today, and my prayer is that we will all have our answers sooner than later.

I do truly believe God has all those answers somewhere. I do. They are gift-wrapped as presents he will give to us one day when we will make sweet precious sense of it all. It is hard knowing that I don't have any say in that day; but there is some peace in knowing that, even so, that day will eventually come.