Trading in Bigger Circles for inner circles

​A couple of months ago I was asked to do a Saturday morning presentation for a local non-profit: My Brother's Keeper. I visited their website and it looked in line with some of my work and certainly my heart - local dads supporting fellow dads - so I said yes and we picked a day.

When I do presentations, the audience size ranges from a couple of dozen to a couple of hundred. I imagined this presentation would be on the lower end of that number.

When I showed up yesterday, I discovered the presentation would be on the MUCH lower end of that number - it was me and 4 other men sitting at a small conference room table at their non-profit's humble office.

What a blessing that turned out to be.

'Coach' met me at the door when I arrived. He showed me around their space. He told me he'd started this group a few years ago in his living room. He'd invited some friends over, gave them some snacks and drinks, and then told his guys, "I'm struggling with my manhood."

Uncomfortable and puzzled looks stared back at him.

I was about an hour into my presentation with them yesterday - which by this time had morphed into a conversation somewhat directed by the presentation slides on the laptop that was sitting in front of me - when one of the gentlemen at the table began to cry.

Not choke up - but full out cry.

He told us how he'd spent most of his life holding on so tight to the pain of his life that he'd been completely unable to share his life with anyone. Coach looked over at him from across the table - choking up a bit himself - and told him it was OK. You're in a safe place.

It was clear Coach was no longer struggling much with his manhood. And he had a group of friends who were no longer uncomfortable and puzzled.

Their safety spilled over into me. A safety I've longed for for a long time. For many reasons, that was especially so this past week.

I've been reminded a lot lately - and intimately so yesterday - that we've traded away our inner circles in life for bigger circles. We've traded away the intimacy of a few relationships for the accolades of having a bunch of them. We've traded away social love for social media.

Without knowing it, we've traded away full hearts for broken hearts - and it's killing us.

Yesterday, I wasn't a presenter with an audience. I was a man sitting at a small table with other men. We all looked different, but the more we talked - and cried - and prayed - I discovered in so many ways we felt the same.

In big circles, it's easy to focus on how we look and what we believe. Sitting at a table together, you risk getting inside hearts and feelings and emotions.

I could tell that's a risk Coach was glad he took.

Once you begin to understand another's heart - and how another feels - you're truly in a space where you can begin making a difference.

You're far more equipped to create the safe spaces where making a that difference can happen.

You're far more inclined to trade in your big circles for inner circles.

Inner circles where tears become the glue that pulls a broken heart back together, and seals it.

We desperately need more inner circles. I'm grateful for the one I found yesterday.