Trauma has no hierarchy

​This weekend, I listened to Dr. Rangan Chatterjee interview Edith Eger on his Feel Better Live More podcast (one of my favorite podcasts these days btw).

In 1944, when Eger was a teen, she and her family were deported to Auschwitz from her home in Hungary. Her mother and father were separated from her and her sisters and soon after died in the gas chamber.

When the US military found Eger in 1945, she weighed 70 pounds, had a broken back, typhoid, pleurisy and pneumonia.

Yet, she and her two sisters survived.

Today, Eger is a 93 year old psychologist living in the US. She said in the interview that to help people with their trauma, one of the first things she needs to help them understand is that "trauma has no hierarchy." She says when people know what she's been through, they hesitate to tell her what they've been through. You survived Auschwitz, they think, so I should be able to handle my suffering.

As I listened to this woman, and her wisdom, I found myself thinking over and over, what a beautiful woman. Here is a woman, because of the magnitude of her suffering, could easily look down on what many would consider the less significant suffering of others. Instead, though, she uses her suffering as a way into the pain and suffering of others.

She doesn't Lord her survival over others, she uses it to better walk in others' shoes.

In his blog yesterday, Seth Godin said:

"It’s easy to dismiss the pain that others report, physical or emotional, if it differs from our experience. Even if you’ve never felt this particular pain, the other person is feeling it, right now."

Godin went on to say:

"Even if the circumstances wouldn’t have caused you to feel this particular pain, that might not be true for your friend. And even if you can’t imagine the feeling, it’s still real for them. Pain ignored is still pain. And pain acknowledged is a first step toward easing that pain."

Even if you can't imagine the feeling - it's still real for them.

When it comes to pain and suffering, I don't think we're very good at this starting place of 'everyone's pain is real'. We too often start at one of two other places.

One - I've overcome much harder, so I'm not sure why you can't do the same. Or two, I've managed to live a life that avoided that kind of pain; I'm not sure why you haven't done the same.

As Godin said, the first step toward healing for all pain is having someone acknowledge the pain is real. I wonder if we have so many people suffering, living in pain, because we spend too much time trying to decide whether someone else's pain is real or not - or maybe whether or not they deserve their pain.

You know, I follow Jesus. And, Jesus experienced a death filled with a suffering many would put on the upper levels of suffering if suffering had a hierarchy. But you know, not once has Jesus ever said, suck it up Keith. Didn't you see me die on a cross? Certainly you can deal with this pain thing you got going on.

No, instead, Jesus said come to me all who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest. Not some, not those who are "for-real" burdened, not just those who are 'undeserving' of their weariness - but all. He said come all.

Jesus was one of the first to demonstrate trauma has no hierarchy. I think Edith Eger is following that example. I think the world would be a better place if we all did.