Understanding is not a path to agreement, it's a pathway to love.

​Several years ago, I had the chance to volunteer in a local classroom serving students with special needs. I loved those kids. I came to discover their biggest need of all was adults who cared about them, who saw them as capable and worthy of love and attention.

I came to admire their teacher, Jennifer Ailstock. I'm not sure I've ever met a more selfless teacher in a field that overflows with selflessness. When it comes to the gifts of understanding and compassion, this woman is the real deal. The greatest evidence of that was the way her kids looked at her and depended on her. And make no mistake, they were far more her kids than they were her students.

Many teachers are in a tough spot right now. They are being asked to make choices about going back to school and serving their students in a pandemic - a risk to their own health - or finding ways to serve them from home. I know those challenges look different from community to community, but teachers are in a challenging position right now.

And as usual, the court of public opinion has a lot of opinions about what the right choice is for teachers. I see a lot of people spending far more time voicing what the right thing for all teachers to do is while spending little time trying to understand their plight.

My friend Jennifer has made the choice to serve from home. And last night, she posted some beautiful words about her decision on Facebook. She wrote:

_______"Today, I put myself and my health above my students. Above their best interests. The kids who will wonder where I went. The kids who I have been their “trusted adult” that won’t have me any more. The kids I genuinely love and miss. So I’m not whining, I’m devastated. I am leaving my second home and the people who have been with me through the good the bad and everything in between. I’m crying as I type this thinking about packing up 19 years worth of memories (and moving them to a storage unit to sit for a year). Packing wasn’t something I thought I’d do until I retired. And while I know there is a very good chance I will end up back in my building after a year, it doesn’t make the present any easier. It doesn’t make my heart hurt any less. I’m struggling. Big time."_______

Because I know her - I absolutely know she was in tears as she wrote that. I know how much her heart has agonized thinking about that decision, and how it breaks now that she's made it.

Jennifer went on to say,

"Many of us are having to make the choice between our health or our families health and being in the classroom, in our schools, where we so desperately want to be. So don’t call us names. I promise, you have no idea how hard the decision they are trying to make is. Be kind to people. Don’t judge."

You know, we are all very quick to jump to analyzing the choices people make while having very little understanding of the stories that proceed their choices. It takes very little effort to take a glimpse at someone and make a judgment about who they are and what they are doing; it often takes great effort and practice to pause and consider the story behind their choice.

And you know, sometimes - maybe ALL the time - the practice of trying to compassionately understand someone isn't about coming to a complete understanding of that person, and most definitely not about falling into complete agreement with them - the practice of understanding is about me and you becoming more loving people.

Compassion isn't about coming up with the right answers, it's simply the most loving way to work together as we try to discover them.

Today, think about someone who has made a choice you don't agree with. But instead of thinking about why that is the wrong choice in your eyes, take time to reflect and consider why they might have come to see it as the right choice for them.

While you're doing that, understand you're not working to agree with them; you're working on loving them.