Used right, our words can be magical

I don't have an opinion on the Chris Rock and Will Smith incident. But I have a reflection.

The incident seems to have started when Chris Rock made a joke about Will Smith's wife - Jada Pinkett Smith - at the Academy Awards. Will Smith took some offense to the joke and slapped Chris Rock. In the aftermath, there has been a lot of public opinion about all of the individuals involved and about the broader incident itself.

I want to reflect on one side of the reaction to the incident.

Scrolling through social media, most folks seemed to have felt like Chris Rock crossed a line. Not everyone believes he should have been slapped, but most seem to think the joke should have been left out of his performance. Because let's remember, he was indeed performing.

As I read these reactions, I felt like I was in the middle of a moving line. I've listened to comedians for years - Chris Rock included - who make laughs with their words at the expense of others. It often feels like that's accepted as a trick of the trade.

So why did this trick suddenly go from comedy to attack?

Because the target of the joke's husband was sitting next to her? Because the joke was insensitive to a disease? Because the whole thing took place on television? Because some celebrities have a different line than other celebrities? Because some people have a different line than others?

I found it interesting that ordinary people were on the media platforms they use to attack one another with their words to take issue with a man they felt had attacked another person with his words.

Irony?

In his book The Four Agreements (thank you all for the recommendation), Don Miguel Ruiz says our spoken word is magic. But he goes on to say, "misuse of the word is black magic, we are using black magic all the time without knowing that our word is magic at all.

I guess I long ago decided there is never an acceptable time for me to use black magic. There is never an acceptable time to attack another with my word. It's easy to come up with exceptions, but once you've experienced the power the word has to lift another person up - the power that the word has to reveal someones value to them - you start feeling a darkness in your gut when you use your word for anything else.

I think social media has made it easy to use black magic. We don't have to see the hurt - the disturbance on a face - when we use attacking words. We get to focus on how the words make us feel and not the emotions they trigger in another.

I personally don't think Chris Rock attacked Jada Pinkett Smith. I think he had an agenda - to be funny. That agenda took precedence over everything else. Including whether his words became magic or black magic.

I know I am capable of letting my agendas become so important that I lose track of my words. I know I am capable of producing words that turn into an attack without me wanting to be an attacker.

But in the end, if the words I use leave someone hurt, then I think I had the wrong agenda.

In the book of James it is written: "With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse human beings, who have been made in God’s likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this should not be."

In the words of Ruiz, I Iong for my word to be "impeccable." I want my word to be magic not black magic. I want my word to be praise not curse.

I think that's the best line to honor when it comes to choosing our words. I don't think that line should move. Not for celebrities. Not for you and for me.

Because sticking to the right line, our words have the power to add the kind of value to one another many of us have never experienced.

Our words can absolutely be magical.